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A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down.

"Is this yours?" he asked.

She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed.

On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed.

Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to have dinner. There's plenty; would you like to join me?" He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?"

The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?"

"No," she replied, "Only those who catch my eye!"

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  • You know a man's lying if his lips are moving.
  • Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
  • So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
  • Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
  • Never let your man's mind wander - its too little to be let out alone.
  • Never sleep with a man who's named his willy.
  • Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway
  • A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is unquestionably gay.
  • Men are all the same - they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
  • Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
  • Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
  • If you wanted a committed man look in a mental hospital.
  • If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.
  • Boring men are like snot - they get up your nose.
  • Always wear high heels, it makes it easier to look down on him.
  • If he asks you if your faking it tell him no, your just practicing.
  • Sadly, all men are created equal.
  • There are a lot of words that you can use to describe men - strong, caring,loving - they'd be wrong - but you could still use them.
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Harry was madly in love with Betty, but couldn't pluck up enough courage to pop the question face to face. Finally he decided to ask her on the telephone.

'Darling!' he blurted out, 'will you marry me?'

'Of course, I will, you silly boy,' she replied, 'who is it speaking?'

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An eighty year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's office, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down, making notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?"

He replied, "To the kitchen."

She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

Then his wife asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

"No, I can remember that."

"Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that," his wife said.

"I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replied, "Well, I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that. You had better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." He went into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stared at the plate for a moment and said, "You forgot my toast."

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