Redneck Jokes — most viewed jokes

AVOID SOCIAL BLUNDERS WITH THESE HELPFUL WEDDING HINTS:

• Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
• Is it okay to bring a date to a wedding? Not if you are the groom.
• When dancing, never remove undergarments; no matter how hot it is.
• Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you cut.
• A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost-effective, but also a proven fly deterrent.
• For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a nice appearance. Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

What is the first thing off the truck at a trailer fire?
→ Lawn chair.

Did you hear about the hillbilly who went into the hardware store to buy a chain saw ?
He said I want one that will cut down at least 10 trees a day.
He was back at the hardware store with the saw a couple days later complaining that it only cut one tree and that took all day.
The clerk at the hardware store started the saw to see what the problem was.
The hillbilly jumped back and said what the hell is that noise?

Two Kentucky hillbillies happened to meet in town. "How're thangs with y'all, Pete?" one asked.

"Not bad atall," Pete replied. "My old woman ain't talkin' to me thiseyer week...and I ain't in no mood to interrupt her."

Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?"

The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue."

The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern."

"Sure Pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got!"

A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" 15 students raise their hands.

"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The redneck student (remember, this is Alabama) replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.

The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a Ghost."

The student replies, "Ghost?!? I thought you said 'goats!'"

A polish guy wins a brand new sports car in a contest. He drives around all the time waving at the rednecks.

One day the rednecks stop him, they draw a circle in the dirt and say "If you step out of that circle, we will kick your ass." They pick up hammers and start busting up his new car. They look back and he is smiling. They hit the car some more, and he is laughing.

They walk over to him and ask "Why are you laughing, we just busted up your car."

He says "I know, but I stepped out of the circle 9 times."

A kid, just getting home from school runs up to his dad...

"Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that can count to ten. Why do you rec'un so?"

"Why that's because your from Kentucky son." The dad responses.

The next day the kid gets home from school...

"Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that knows all the letters in the alphabet. Why do you rec'un so?"

"That's because you're from Kentucky son." The dad tells him again.

The next day the kid busts through the door...

"Daddy. daddy! I'm the only one in school who has a large penis, is that because I'm from Kentucky?"

The dad looks at him and says, "No that's because you're 22."

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Trailer Park Barbie ...for the parent who wants to show their child what grown-up life is really going to be like

This suave-looking Redneck, (ok, just pretend there is one) walks into a bar and sees a cute little rich girl who's had too much to drink.

He says to her, "Hey, baby...whataya say we go back to your place and get it on!" Lost in her drink, she replies, "Sure, why not!"

They get to her place, and she lies on the bed and says, "Ok, show me what you do best!".

Without delay, the Redneck rips off his jacket, grabs her T.V., VCR, and purse and runs out the door!