Political Jokes — most viewed jokes

Democrats' favorite Christmas carol is "Deck the Halls."
Young Democrat's favorite Christmas carol is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer."
Republican's favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas."
Young Republicans' favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas."

Who is the Gorillas' favourite President of recent years?
→ Hairy Truman!

What do Monica and Bob Dole have in common?
→ They're both upset Clinton finished first.

They called off the investigation of President Clinton due to a lack of evidence. Turns out he didn't tell her to lie, he told her to kneel.

How will Clinton build his bridge to the 21st century?
→ Apparently while part of a federal prison work release program.

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy?
→ One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the White House, the other is a chocolate labrador.

The Election Is Over, The Results Are Known.

The Will Of The People Has Been Clearly Shown.

So Lets All Get Together And Let Bitterness Pass, I'll Hug Your Elephant, And You Can Kiss My ASS!!!!!

• You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
• Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. This goes back in the days of the Wild West.
• There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
• When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses.
• Hunting camels is prohibited.
• Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
• It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
• Cars may not be driven in reverse.
• Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.
• If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined.
• No more than six girls may live in any house.
• It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license.
• A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.
• An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.
• No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house.
• Women may not wear pants.
• It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.

How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
→ Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

A Russian walks into a bar and orders a beer. "That will be one ruble," says the bartender.
"One ruble!" the customer protests, "last week it was only fifty kopeks!" "Well," replies the bartender, "it's fifty kopeks for the beer and fifty kopecs for the perestroika." Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender a ruble, and is surprised when the bartender gives him back fifty kopecs and says, "We are out of beer."

Should you receive a document with any of the following viruses, you must immediately open the window and throw out your computer. I repeat, do not ever again use your computer should it be infected with ANY of these horrible viruses.

1. Freudian Virus - Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard. Or becomes very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive.
2. Lorena Bobbit Virus - Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.
3. Tonya Harding Virus - Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.
4. Paul Revere Virus - Warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\
5. Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus - Instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg.
6. Ollie North Virus - Plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files.
7. Joey Buttafuaco Virus - Only attacks minor files.
8. Ronald Reagan Virus - Saves your data, but forgets where it's stored.
9. Jane Fonda Virus - Attacks your hard drive's FAT.
10. Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.
11. AT&T Virus - Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
12. MCI Virus - Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
13. Politically Correct Virus - Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
14. Ross Perot Virus - Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits.
15. Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
16. Government Economist Virus - Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
17. Federal Bureaucrat Virus - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
18. Adam and Eve Virus - Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer.
19. Congressional Virus #1 - The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
20. Congressional Virus #2 - Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
21. Airline Virus - You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
22. PBS Virus - Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.
23. Jimmy Hoffa Virus - Your programs can never be found again.
24. LAPD Virus - It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense."
25. O.J. Virus - It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it.

CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED!!!!!

Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped believing in Santa Claus.
Democrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing in Santa Claus.

A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist:

- I'd like to become the next President of the United States.

- The receptionist: What are you, an idiot?

- Redneck: Why, is it required?