Political Jokes — most viewed jokes

How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ 10,000 - to give the bulb a cultural revolution.

What's the difference between Janet Reno and a school bus driver?
→ The bus driver stops to let the kids out.

What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
→ A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

When not in stores, Republicans shop from a catalog.
Democrats watch for "incredible TV offers" on late night television.

Did you hear there is a new movie out about the Kennedys?

It's called Three Funerals and a Wedding.

When Bill and Hillary first got married, Bill said, "I am putting a box under our bed. You must promise never to look in it."

In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the better of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside.

In the box there were 3 empty beer cans and $1,874.25 in cash.

After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her guilt and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked in the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the empty cans in the box?"

Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess that after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."

Hillary was shocked, but said, "I am very disappointed and saddened, but I guess after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does happen and I guess that 3 times is not that bad considering the number of years we've been together."

They hugged and made their peace.

A little while later, Hillary asked Bill - "So why do you have all that money in the box?"

Bill answered, "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans...

I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash!"

• A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
• A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.
• Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.
• The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
• Arkansas must be pronounced "Arkansaw".
• A voter is only allowed five minutes to mark his ballot.
• Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.
• It is illegal to kill "any living creature".
• It is unlawful to walk one's cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday.
• No person shall sound the horn on a vechicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 P.M. -Little Rock City Code Sec. 18-54
• Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.

How many Communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Two - one to screw it in, and a second to hand out leaflets.
→ One, but it takes him about 30 years to realize that the old one has burnt out.

What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common?
→ Nothing, yet.

What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?
→ Turkey.

What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
→ They both have Kurds in their Whey.

What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
→ They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from!

What is the best Iraqi job?
→ Foreign Ambassador

How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ None. They can't turn them on anyway.

How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting, and at a cost of US $8,000,000.

"How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
→ "We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."

Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
→ You only have to teach them to take off.

How do you play Iraqi bingo?
→ B-52... F-16... A-10

What is Iraq's national bird?
→ Duck

What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile?
→ Aeroflot has killed more people.

How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
→ Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
→ So they can see their Air Force.

Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss?
→ He elected to receive.

Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper?
→ They need a map....

An 8th grade boy was doing some research for his career report at school. He asks his dad, "Father, how many wildlife biologists work for the Federal Government?"

The honest father replies, "Oh, I would say at least half of 'em."