Political Jokes — most viewed jokes

DANGER: new viruses discovered!

• Congressional Virus v2.0: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
• Tipper Gore Virus: When you attempt to play any sound file, it pops up a warning window stating that some lyrics may be unsuitable for children.
• Government Ecomomist Virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
• New World Order Virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
• Warren Commission Virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.
• David Duke Virus: Makes your screen go completely white.
• Pat Buchanan Virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.
• Texas Virus: Makes sure it's bigger than any other file.
• Adam And Eve Virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
• Warren Beatty Virus: Constantly tries to prove it's virility by attaching itself to younger or newer files.
• Airline Virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
• Freudian Virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
• PBS Virus: Your PC stops what it's doing every few minutes to ask for money.
• Jimmy Hoffa Virus: Nobody can find it.
• Kevorkian Virus: Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.
• Healthcare Virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends a you a bill for $4,500.
• LAPD Virus: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defence".
• Billy Graham Virus: When you save a file, it prints, "I am saved!" to the screen.
• Michael Jackson Virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This Virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

And finally...

• JokeGalore.com Virus: poses as a harmless list of funny computer Virus names! Is quickly passed from one user to all other users known via e-mail, consequently consuming all known network resources.

• It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
• Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
• You may not drive barefooted.
• It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.
• It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
• Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.
• Masks may not be worn in public.
• Putting salt on a railraod track may be punishable by death.
• Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
• Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.
• It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
• Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.
• Incestous marriages are legal.
• It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
• You must have windshield wipers on your car.
• You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
• You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.
• It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.
• It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.
• It is unlawful to wear women's pumps with sharp, high heels.
• It is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits.
• It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of it spooking horses. (Repealed)

• If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.
• The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
• Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats.
• No one may catch fish with his bare hands.
• Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights.
• It is illegal to spit on a sidewalk.
• All places of business must provide a horse water troft.
• No one may wear a bee in their hat.
• All cars entering the city limits must first sound their horn to warn the horses of their arrival.
• Musical car horns are banned.
• It is against the law to leave your car running unattended.
• The installation of bathtubs is prohibited.
• Any person caught using or carrying bean snappers or the like shall upon conviction, be fined. -City ordinance 349 of Wichita, Kansas.
• Before proceeding through the interesection of Douglas and Broadway, a motorist is required to get out of their vehice and fire three shot gun rounds into the air.

How many republicans does it take to raise your taxes?
→ None. The democrats do that.

One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turns to his father and asks, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?"

The father replies without hesitating, "Oh, about ten percent."

What political party entices most Gorillas?
→ The Treepublican Party!

What's long, black, and smells funny?
→ The Welfare LINE!

Top ten television shows in Iraq:

• "Husseinfeld"
• "Mad About Everything"
• "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
• "Suddenly Sanctions"
• "Allah McBeal"
• "Wheel of Fortune and Terror"
• "Achmed's Creek"
• "Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
• "Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs"
• "Just Shoot Me"

Why is politics for the birds?
→ Because politicians always parrot the same old lines!

What will Bill Clinton be known for in history?
→ The president after Bush!