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Billy-Bob and Billi-Jo

it is 10:00 at the police station and there is only 2 officers working that day...

Billy-Bob and Billi-Jo.

- billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?

- billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>

...now its 11:00 at the police station...

- billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?

- billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>

...now its midnight... and the power goes out...!!

- billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?

- billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>

- billi-jo: wait?! billy-bob thats not my belly-button.

- billy-bob: i know...:> and thats not my finger!! :>

Idiots Of Society

Here are some people who should not be allowed to venture into society:

Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.

A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.

A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.

The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.

A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.

Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.

A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged over the courthouse intercom. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.

Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.

A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.

Cowboy At The Theatre

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager." The cowboy just groaned.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's you're name?"

"Sam," the cowboy moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?"

With pain in his voice Sam replied.... "The balcony."

Things Not to Say to Cops

  1. Hey, wasn't your daughter a porn queen?
  2. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
  3. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?
  4. No, offi, offic, lucifer . . . I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.
  5. No, I don't know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110 mph.
  6. Back off, Barney, I've got a piece.
  7. Want to race to the station, Sparky?
  8. I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green men!
  9. On the way to the station let's get a six pack.
  10. You'll never get those cuffs on me. . . You Homo!
  11. Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
  12. No, YOU assume the position.

Police Van Lineup

This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. the girl shrugged and said, jokingly, "cough drops" and snickered.

Just then the cop approached the old gal and said, "What are you doing here, m'am?"

The woman pulled herself up to her full height oF 4'4 and replied, "Well, I can suck em can't I?"

Four Kids

There were once four kids, Poop, Shut Up, Manners, and Trouble.

Poop was riding his bike and fell. Manners went to help him up. Trouble got lost. Shut Up goes to the Police Station to report it.

- Officer: What's your name?

- Shut Up: Shut Up.

- Officer: What's your name?

- Shut Up: Shut Up.

- Officer: For the last time, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!

- Shut Up: Shut Up!

- Officer: Are you looking for Trouble?

- Shut Up: Yeah, we lost him about 2 miles back.

- Officer: Where's your Manners?

- Shut Up: Back there pickin' up Poop.

Day After Christmas

It's the day after Christmas and young Johnny rides his new bike up to a stop light where a policeman on his horse is waiting for the light to change.

The policeman looks over at Johnny and says, "Got that bike for Christmas, sonny?"

The youngster responds, proudly, "Ya, Santa brought it for me."

The policeman then proceeds to write the young fellow a bicyle violation ticket for not having a reflector on the back bumper and hands it to him saying, "Well, next time you better tell him to put a light on it."

Johnny looks at the citation, looks back up at the cop and says, "And did Santa bring you that horse?"

Humouring the youngster, the policeman answers, "Why, yes, he did."

To which Johnny responds, "Well, next time you better tell him to put the dick underneath the horse, not on top."

Fighting The Muggers

A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said
"Why did you put up such a fight?" To which the man promptly replied
"I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"