Ouch — most viewed jokes

The modest man is in the hospital for a series of test. One of the last test has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest was another. He completely filled his bed up with human waste and was embarrased beyond anything he could possibly face. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bedsheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cussing and swinging his arms which drew the attention of the security guard.

The security guard ask: "What's going on?" To which the drunk replied: "I just beat the shit out of a ghost."

There is a story about the Irishman who drowned while he was digging a grave for a friend. He'd wanted to be buried at sea.

On a cross-country bus trip, Mrs. Davis became extremely queasy due to motion sickness.

She make her way to the restroom, only to find it locked.

She went back to her seat, laid her head back and tried to fight off the nausea. Unsuccessfully, she rolled her head to the right and threw up on the lap of a man who was dozing and who was therefore unaware of what had happened.

When the fellow awoke, he was shocked to find himself covered in vomit.

Turning to him, Mrs. Davis said, "There now, are you feeling better?"!

What is grosser than gross?
→ Having a dream about chocolate pudding and then waking up with a spoon in your butt.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Frozen Barbie on a Stick ...in your grocer's frozen food section

What can Calista Flockhart do with dental floss?
→ Hang herself.

What do you call an armless, legless leper in a swimming pool?
→ Bob

How does Michael Jackson know its time for bed?
→ When the big hand is on the little hand.

A blond walks into a bar.
Ouch!

A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.

The farmer said, "That's once."

A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.

The farmer said, "That's twice."

After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again.

The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.

His brand new bride yelled, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."

The farmer said, "That's once."