Ouch — most viewed jokes

What is the difference between Prince Charles and OJ Simpson?
→ Prince Charles' (ex)wife was killed by a white man in a black car.

For all animal lovers out there:

How do you make a cat go 'woof'?
→ Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire. and...

How do you make a dog go 'miaow'?
→ Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw...

Tourist guide at zoo: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is the elephant, the largest animal to roam the lands. Every day the elephant eats 3 dozen bunches of bananas, 6 tons of hay, and 2000 pounds of assorted fruits. Madam, please don't stand near the elephant's backside.... Madam, PLEASE don't stand near the elephant's backside ... MADAM ... MADAM ..., too late; George, dig her out."

My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt!

So I fucked her 3 times and then hit her with a baseball bat.

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night.

He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose. He was very self concious about his eye but got up the nerve to ask her for a dance. "Would you like to dance with me?" he asked.

She replied "Would I!", and he sneered and told her, "BIG NOSE!"

What is black and sits at the top of a set of stairs?
→ A quadraplegic in a house fire.

Why can't Jesus eat M & M's?
→ Because they fall through the holes in his hands.

What do you do with a dog with no legs?
→ Take it for a drag.

What does a cannibal eat with cheese?
→ Pickled organs.