Mom/Dad Jokes — most viewed jokes

There was this boy that lived with his mother.

One night the boy woke up and went to the restroom and on his way he passed his mothers room and looked in and saw his mom rubbing her breasts and saying "I NEED A MAN". Then he went to bed.

The next night the same thing happened, she was there rubbing her breasts and saying "I NEED A MAN".

On the third night the woman had a man in bed with her when the son looked in.

Right away the boy went to his room and stood in front of the mirror rubbing hiself and saying....

"I NEED A BIKE"..........

- Mother: Jared, get your little sister's hat out of that puddle.

- Jared: I can't mum, she's got it strapped too tight under her chin!

- Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems?

- Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!

- Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.

- Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms.

The father replies, "Well, you see that 3 pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night."

The son then asks his father, "Well what's the 6 pack for?" The father replies, "Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning."

Then the son asks his father what the 12 pack is for. The father replies, "Well, that's for when you're married... You have one for January, one for February, one for March..."

- Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn't know where the Rockies were.

- Mother: Well next time remember where you put things!

- Father: What did the teacher think of your idea?

- Son: She took it like a lamb

- Teacher: Really?, what did she say?

- Son: Baa!

A wise man once said that having children is hereditary.

Which is tantamount to saying: If your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't either.

- Dad, why do the singers rock left and right while performing on stage?

- Because, son, it is more difficult to hit a moving target.

What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?
→ If you're not in bed by 12, come home.