Random joke from this category
Down at the office Bostwick boasted to one of his buddies, "My son Arthur is smarter even than Abraham Lincoln.
Arthur could recite the Gettysburg Address when he was ten years old. Lincoln didn't say it till he was fifty!"
- Little monster: Mom I've finished. Can I leave the table?
- Mommy monster: Yes, I'll save it for your tea.
Why did the thoughtful father buy his six children a dachshund?
→ He wanted a dog they could all pet at once.
- Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.
- Doctor: Oh, really?
- Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!
Why are parents boring?
→ Because they're groan-ups.
The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.
"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."
"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?"
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up!
- MONSTER MOTHER: How many times have I told you not to eat with your fingers? Use the spade like everyone else.
One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake.
She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, daddy."
He replied, "How'd you know?"
The girl said, "Because you didn't say 'ASSHOLE!' afterwards!"
Mom and Dad are in the iron and steel business.
She does the ironing and he does the stealing.
