Medicine — most viewed jokes

Artery -- Study of paintings
Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section -- District in Rome
Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- Sheep dog
Coma -- A punctuation mark
Congenital -- Friendly
D&C -- Where Washington is
Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events
Dilate -- To live long
Enema -- Not a friend
Fester -- Quicker
Fibula -- A small lie
G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- Suitcase
Hangnail -- Coathook
Impotent -- Distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee
Labor pain -- Got hurt at work
Medical staff -- Doctor's cane
Morbid -- Higher offer
Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate
Node -- Was aware of
Outpatient -- Person who had fainted
Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- Letter carrier
Protein -- Favoring young people
Rectum -- It almost killed him
Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- Amorous
Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- Hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- Study of knighthood
Tablet -- Small table
Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport
Tibia -- Country in North Africa
Tumor -- An extra pair
Urine -- Opposite of you're out
Varicose -- Located nearby
Vein -- Conceited

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"

The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife's room.

About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets.

Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."

The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."

An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"

- Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.

- Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.

- Patient: OH NO! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???

- Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation. "Miss Smith," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

- What's the matter with me? he asks the doctor.

- You're not eating properly.

A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don't stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he bought his last one from this store only weeks ago and has done for several years. The pharmacist asks man to bring in his last purchase and he will try to match the product. The following day, the man returns to the pharmacy and shows the deodorant to the pharmacist. The pharmacist asks why the customer thinks this is an anal deodorant, when it is obviously of the underarm stick variety. The customer explains that instructions on reverse state, "Push up bottom to use."

Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his crotch. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates." The woman replies, "Yes. Now, we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."

The doctor took Dan into the room and said, "Dan, I have some good news and some bad news."

"Oh, no. Give me the good news, I guess," Dan replied.

"They're going to name a disease after you."

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat, the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"

"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

"Boss," he said, "The pill actually worked!"

"That's all fine," said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"