Marriage Jokes — most viewed jokes

Where did the newlywed horses stay?
→ In the bridle suite!

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence. The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra." This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the poolman and your brother."

When Mr. Maxwell's wife left him he couldn't sleep.
"She took the bed!"

My wife sez that I'm too extravagant; that if anything ever happens to her, I'll have to beg. I told her I'd be fine. I mean look at all the experience I've got.

- She was two thirds married once.

- What do you mean?

- Well, she turned up, the Minster turned up, but the groom didn't!

Is it possible to kill a mother-in-law with newspaper?
→ Yes, if you wrap an iron in it.

- Why can't you make bread like my mother?

- I would if you could make dough like your father!

Have you heard about the couple who got married in a nudist colony?

They wanted everyone to be sure who the best man was!

"And you tell me several men proposed marriage to you," said the husband. "Yes, several," the wife replied.

"Well I wish you had married the first fool who proposed." "I did!"

This guy runs home and bursts in yelling "Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery!!"

She says "Oh wonderful, should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"

He replies "I don't care...
Just get the heck out!!"