Language Jokes — most viewed jokes

- It can't go on! It can't go on!

- What can't go on?

- This baby's vest - it's too small for me.

On my last trip to Canada, I had the rare pleasure of meeting the leading historian of this great country. Out of curiosity I asked him how their county got it's name.

Below is his explanation...

There were three explorers, hiking through what is now known as Canada. "You know," said the first explorer, "we should name this place we're hiking through."

"I agree," said the second explorer.

"Great idea" quipped the third explorer.

"We'll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that."

"Okay," said the third, "I'll go first. C, eh."

The second said: "N, eh."

The first... "D, eh."

And now you know the story.

Spell Indian tent with two letters.
→ TP.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Borg

- Borg who?

- Borg standard!

What's the most famous coffee in Afghanistan?
→ Osama bin Latte

Where do Martians drink beer?
→ At a mars bar!

Confucius Say...

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

He who lives in glass house, dress in basement.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.

Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand.

Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long.

Couple on 7 day honeymoon make hole weak.

Girl who sit on jockeys lap get hot tip.

Girl who sits on Judge's lap gets honorable discharge.

Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.

He who run behind bus get exhausted.

Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.

Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.

He who fishes in others' holes often catches crabs.

Man who puts dick in Peanut Butter jar is Fucking Nuts.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Avocado!

- Avocado who?

- Avocado a cold!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Axel!

- Axel who?

- Axeldental Tourist!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Atch!

- Atch who?

- I'm sorry I didn't know you had a cold!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Athena!

- Athena who?

- Athena flying saucer!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Argo!

- Argo who?

- Argo down the shops!

HOW TO SAY "I LOVE YOU" IN 9 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:

• English: I Love you
• Spanish: Te Amo
• French: Je T'aimes
• German: Ich Liebe Dich
• Japanese: Ai Shite Imasu
• Italian: Ti Amo
• Chinese: Wo Ai Ni
• Swedish: Jag Alskar
• Alabama, Arkansas, North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Texas, Mississippi, North Carolina and Kentucky: Nice Tits

Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Great Dames for sale.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.