Language Jokes — most viewed jokes

What is the meaning of "sanctity"?
→ It's french, for a lady with five breasts.

Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows 95

Windows95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit of competition.

The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: "I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."

He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: "I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."

Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over. "Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose," he typed. "Please send us two of them."

Mullah Nasrudin, wisest man in Islam, entered England of a visit.

- Do you have anything to declare?

- No -- sssssst, bzzz - nothing at all.

- How long do you plan to stay?

- Oh, about -- ssssssssszzzzt, bzzz -- about three weeks.

- By the way, where did you learn English?

- From the -- bzzz, bzzz, sszzzzzzzzbzzz -- radio.

Can you name two burgers who are royalty?
→ Sir Loin and Burger King!

To make things easier for all of us, please notice this Important Notice About Notices. You may have noticed the increased number of notices for you to notice. We notice that some of our notices have been noticed. On the other hand, some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable. It is noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticeable. This notice is to remind you to notice the notices and respond to the Notices because we do not want the noticed to go unnoticed.

NOTICE COMMITTEE FOR NOTICING NOTICES

"Dad," said the boy, "we had a spelling contest in school today, and I missed on the very first word." "That's too bad Son." consoled the Father, "What was the word ?" "Posse."

What sits at the bottom of the ocean and shakes?
→ A nervous wreck.

What do you call a nun riding piggyback on the hunchback of Notre Dame?
→ Virgin on the ridiculous.

The Crist family worked at a zoo. Each year they predicted the general luck and overall mood of the year by watching the the gnu. If the gnu's ears were forward, that meant a successful, joyous year was almost certain to happen. But if his ears were laid back flat against his head, it meant that an unlucky or very unhappy year was sure to come. One year it was young Mary's turn to "survey" the animal and come up with the prediction. It was her first time solo, and in her excitement, she forgot to take the key to the cage. She was late in coming to check on the gnu.
Well, she saw the wrong ear position and predicted a bad year, when in fact it was quite good. To explain the error, the local newspaper ran the following headline a year later: MARY CRIST MISSES AN HAPPY GNU'S EAR!