Random joke from this category
School lunches are not generally popular with those that have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason.
"What kind of pie do you call this?" asked one schoolboy indignantly.
"What's it taste of?" asked the cook.
"Glue!"
"Then it's apple pie, the plum pie tastes of soap."
"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Fred looking out of the kitchen window.
"I know," said his mother.
"I've just stepped in a poodle!"
Proverbs as finished by a fourth grade class:
It is always darkest...
→ Just before you flunk a test.
There is nothing new...under a rock.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with...a private jet.
A committee of three...gets things done when they are not fighting.
If you can't stand the heat...try Antarctica.
Better late than...absent.
A rolling stone...may dent the floor.
If at first you don't succeed...live with it.
Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry...and then blow your nose.
A bird in the hand is....better than a woodpecker on your head.
Early to bed, early to rise...and you will get the best cereal.
Two heads...are pretty scary.
It is better to light a candle than...to light a bomb.
A miss is as good as...a mister.
A penny saved...is not a lot.
Don't burn your bridges...or you'll fall in the lake.
Haste makes...sweat
One day, little Timmy was at school and heard the word "shit". He went home and asked his dad for the definition and he promptly told him "coats and jackets".
Timmy went to school the next day and heard the word "fucking", and for a second time, asked his father what it meant. His father promptly said "cooking".
Then, he returned to school the third day and heard the words "bitches and hoes". He went home and his father told him it meant "grandpa and grandma".
Later, on Thanksgiving night, his grandparents came over.
Timmy answered the door with glee and says...
"Hey bitches and hoes! I'll take your shit to the closet cause dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"
Three boys were sharing the same bed on holiday, but it was so crowded that one of them decided to sleep on the floor. After a while, one of his friends told him he might as well get in to bed again. 'There's lots of room now,' he said.
Yesterday my daughter and I drove to the babysitters house to pick up my two-year old son. We were about to get in the car to go home when I noticed a baby birds in a nest in a nearby bush.
I gently picked up one of the birds to show my daughter and my son. "See? It's a baby," I said, trying to calm down my son, who was scared of the little bird.
"I don't want a baby, I don't want a baby," he was saying.
"He sounds just like his father," my daughter replied!
What does a proud computer call his little son?
→ A microchip off the old block.
Why were ancient Egyptian children confused?
→ Because their daddies were mummies.
One day this girl, who is wearing a skirt, goes out to play with her friends. She goes to the park and meets a boy. They talk about climbing trees. The boy says to the girl: "Go on climb that tree." The girl climbs up and the boy just stands there and looks up to the girl's pants.
After a while the girl goes home and tells her mum about what happened. Her mum says: "Oh my stupid girl he just stood there and watched your pants."
The next day she went out again with her skirt on and met THAT boy again. He told her to climb again and she did. When she got home she tells her mum what happened again and her mum says: "My stupid girl he just stood there and watched your pants."
The girl replied and said: "No actually I tricked him, this time I did not wear any pants!"
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher."
