Gender Jokes — most viewed jokes

For those of you who don't already know, these are the rules that are in effect in every relationship.

1. The female always makes the rules.
2. These rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a vagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.
7. If rule number 6 applies, the male must immediately apologize for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.
9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether she wants him to be calm, angry or upset.
13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.
14. The female always gets the last word!

(*) These rules are subject to change as the female sees fit. All rules are null and void under the PMS Exception Law

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
→ She starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

What do snowmen have that snowwomen don't?
→ Snowballs!

Why are women such bad drivers?
→ Because there is no road between the bedroom and the bathroom.

Mirrors are female because none of their reflections are really their own.

Stamps are female because men like to lick them, stick them, and then send them away.

Windows are male because they're a pane, and because you can see through them.

Shit is male because the older it gets, the easier it is to pick up.

A lady says to her doctor, "My husband has been complaining that my vagina has an odor, but I bent over and took a whiff, and I don't smell anything."

The doctor examines her, and then says, "You need an operation."

She asks, "On my vagina?"

He says, "No. On your nose!"

Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance
Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair
Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
→ It allows them to stand closer to the sink.

A confused nine year old boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or female?"

After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well God is both male and female."

This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"

"Well, God is both black and white."

This further confuses the boy so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"

At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless,"Honey, God is both gay and straight."

At this the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks, "Is God Michael Jackson?"