Food Jokes — most viewed jokes

- I didn't order this.

- I know, but your meal tastes worse.

- Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?

- It's fly soup sir!

An old man is lying on his deathbed with all his children, grandchildren and his older great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of a very long and productive life.

The old man in is a terminal coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the waiting will be over within the next twenty-four hours.

Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes and croaks: "I must be dreaming of heaven. I smell your grandmother's strudel." "No, grandfather, you are not dreaming. Grandmother is baking strudel now." "I know I will never have another taste of her delicious strudel after this one. Could you please go down and get me a sliver?" the old man begs with what is left of his final breath.

One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old man's last request. After a long time, he returns empty-handed. "Did you bring me one last piece of your grandmother's delicious strudel?" the old man plaintively queries?

"I'm very sorry, grandfather, she says you can't have any, it's for the funeral!"

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant.
First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.

"Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile.
"We don't even have an air conditioner."

A farmer goes to the patent office to patent a peach, and the patent officer says, "You can't patent a peach, the peach has already been patented!"

And the farmer says, "Oh no. Not THIS kind of peach. Go ahead, try it!" So the patent officer takes a bite, and then, "Oh, wow! This is so good! It tastes like blackberry pie!"

And the farmer says, "Yeah, and do you like vanilla ice cream? Well then you gotta flip it over & try the other side".

So the patent officer does and he's like, "Man! That really does taste like vanilla ice cream! I can't believe it!"

So then the farmer looks around a bit and lowers his voice almost to a whisper, and says: "Psst! Have you ever tasted pussy?" "Oh yeah, I've eaten plenty of pussy!" "And you like it, right?" "Yeah I LOVE the taste of pussy" says the patent officer, starting to get excited.

The farmer says, "OK, then take a bite, right there" So the patent officer takes this HUGE bite, and then his eyes widen & he spits it out all over the place.

"Oh, Yuck! That tasted like SHIT!" & the farmer says "shoot,... I'm sorry, flip it over & try the other side!"

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.

"Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile.
"We don't even have an air conditioner."

- Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?

- Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir

- Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!

- Don't worry sir, the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.

- How come the Board of Health hasn't come in and closed you up?

- They're afraid to eat here.

Would you rather have a baby brother or a baby sister?
→ I'd much rather have a jelly baby.