Ethnic — most viewed jokes

Iraqi TV Guide

MONDAY
8:00 Husseinfeld
8:30 Mad About Everything
9:00 Suddenly Sanctions
9:30 Allah McBeal

TUESDAY
8:00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror
8:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says its Right
9:00 Children are Forbidden to Say The Darndest Things
9:30 Iraq's Funniest Public Execution Bloopers

WEDNESDAY
8:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer
8:30 Diagnosis: Heresy
9:00 Just Shoot Me
9:30 Veilwatch

THURSDAY
8:00 Mahatma Loves Chachi
8:30 M*U*S*T*A*S*H
9:00 Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses
9:30 My Two Baghdads

FRIDAY
8:00 Judge Saddam
8:30 Captured Iranian Soldiers Say The Darndest Things
9:00 Achmed's Creek
9:30 No-witness News

Four Mexicans were in an open truck that had run into the lake.

The two in the front seat escaped unharmed, but the two in the back bed drowned - they couldn't get the tailgate open!

Buckwheat Lets the Cat Outta the Bag One day the little rascals were sitting in school. The teacher walked in, and said, "good morning class. Today we are going to play word games. I'm going to give you a word and I want you to put it in a sentence for me." She said "Spanky you're first. Your word is football." Spanky stood up and proudly said " I threw the football," and sat down. The teacher said "very good Spanky." Then the teacher said, "Darla, you're next. Your word is pretty." Darla stood up and said, " I think I'm very pretty!" Then she sat down. Then the teacher called on Buckwheat. She said, "Buckwheat, you're next. Your word is dictate." Buckwheat stood up looked at Arial, and said, "Hey Darla! How'd my dic tate las nigh?

It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Martinez, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'?" Again, no response except from Martinez: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Martinez. The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Martinez, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans."

"Who said that?" she demanded. Martinez put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Martinez says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Martinez jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Martinez frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001." The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble!" Martinez said, "Saddam Hussein 2003."

Why did the mexicans fight so hard for the alamo?
→ They wanted 4 clean walls to spray paint.

Two Italian construction workers were in the field on an extremely hot day working.. the one says to the other "hey how come we do all a da work and he gets all a da money?" pointing to the supervisor. The other says, "I don't know, go ask him." So Guido goes up to the supervisor and says "Hey, how come we do all a da work and you get all a da money?" The supervisor says "Intelligence". Guido says "what is this intelligence?" The supervisor puts his hand on a tree and says "Hita my hand as hard as you can!" Guido winds up and with all his might tries to hit the supervisor's hand. Just as he almost does the supervisor pulls his hand away and Guido hits the tree! The supervisor says "That's intelligence". Still smarting Guido goes back to his co-worker and his co-worker says "Hey what did he say?" With a sheepish look on his face Guido puts his hand on his face and says "hita my hand as hard as you can. . ."

A Chinese man is making love to his wife. He whispers in her ear, "Baby, I wanna' 69!"

She gives him a strange look and replies, "You want Beef and Broccoli NOW?"

If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?
→ A fur coat.

A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his mother and says "Look Momma, I'm a white boy." His mother slaps him hard on the face and says "Boy, go show your Daddy." The boy goes into the living room and says "Look Daddy, I'm a white boy." His Daddy slaps him on the face, too and says, "Boy, go show your grandmother." So the boy goes to see his grandma and says "Look Granny, I'm a white boy." She slaps him on the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says "Well, did you learn something from all this?" The boy shakes his head and says "I sure nuff did, I've only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people".

What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?
→ They both live off dead Beatles.