Ethnic — most viewed jokes

You know what that little red dot means in the middle of an Indian woman's forehead?
→ "Coffee's ready."

During the Six Day War, this division of Arabs is making its way across the burning desert sands towards Israel, when the Arab commander, bouncing along in his jeep, spots an aged Israeli on top a distant sand dune. The commander drops his binoculars and shouts orders to a foot soldier to run up ahead and kill the infidel Israeli. The soldier sprints ahead of the advancing troops, and soon disappears over the sand dune. The general stops the troops and waits to see what happens.

Nothing happens. The commander sends a whole platoon of soldiers to investigate. All twelve Arabs disappear over the sand dune, never to be seen again. The now-slightly-anxious commander dispatches 3 tanks to find out just what in the heck is going on, and they disappear over the dune, too. Sweat pours down the commander's forehead as he orders his entire division to overrun the solitary Israeli behind the sand dune.

But just then, the first soldier reappears on the distant sand dune and cups his hands to his lips. "Go back!" he shouts. "Go back! It's hopeless-- there's TWO of them!"

How do we know that the "Toothbrush" was invented in West Virginia?
→ Had it been invented anywhere else it would have been called a "Teethbrush".

Acronyms for International Airlines

Italy
ALITALIA = Always Late In The Air, Late In Arrival
ALITALIA = Arrived Late In Turin, And Luggage In Australia

Britain
BOAC = Better on a camel

Belgium
SABENA = Such A Bloody Experience Never Again

Pakistan
PIA = Please, Inform Allah

Yugoslavia
JAT = Joke About Time

Pacific Western Airlines
PWA = Pray While Aloft
PWA = Please Wait Awhile Airlines

Trans World Airlines = Teeney Weeny Airlines.

A newfie wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the newfie to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The newfie understood and was ready. The time came to have the newfie jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded him that he would be right behind him. The newfie proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the newfie. The newfie seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"

Why do they call it a "kilt"?

Because a lot of people got kilt when they called it a skirt.

A Pollock walks over the Red Light District in Amsterdam when suddenly he notices a fine looking hooker looking at him.

He stops, bangs on the window and says, "So, what does this cost ??!!".

And the hooker replies, "25 dollars !!".

And the Pollock said, "Hmm, that's not a lot of money for insulated windows !!".

A Psychiatrist is just a Jewish doctor who can't stand the sight of blood.

How can you tell if an Irishman is present at a cock fight?
→ He enters a duck.

How can you tell if a Pole is present?
→ He bets money on the duck.

How can you tell if an Italian is present?
→ The duck wins.

This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a sign "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry." "Hans Olaffsen?", he thinks. "How in the world does that fit in here?"

So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, "How in the world did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?"

The old man answers "Is name of owner."

The visitor asks "Well, who is the owner?"

"I am he," answers the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"

The old man replies, "Many years ago when I come to this country, I was standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front of me was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, "What your name?" He say, "Hans Olaffsen." She look at me say, "What your name?" I say, "Sam Ting."