Ethnic — most viewed jokes

The headmistress at a girls' prep school in the old South (circa 1959) calls down to the army base and speaks with one of the officers: "We're having a social here at school and I was wondering if you could send some of your nice young men to attend."

"Why of course," the Lieutenant answers.

"Just one thing," says the lady. "Of course you'll make sure there aren't any Jews there."

"Why of course," the Lieutenant answers.

On the day of the dance, a bus pulls up from the base. Out comes a platoon of black GIs. The schoolmistress is quite distressed. "Why, why, there must be some mistake," she says to a burly black Master Sergeant.

"Why heck no, ma'am," he replies. "Lt. Goldberg NEVER makes a mistake!"

A guest from some foreign country was bragging that in HIS country there is 79 different ways to make mad passionate love.

Ray listened patiently.

- That's amazing. Where I come from there's really only one.

"Oh," sniffed the Romeo, "just one? And which way is that?"

- Well, there's a man and there's a woman . . .

"Praise Allah!!! Number 80!!!"

Why did Santa Anna bring only 4000 troops to the Alamo?
→ He only had 2 cars.

A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing the mental abilities of their wives. The Canadian says, "You know my wife must be the most stupid woman in the world. She went to a supermarket sale and bought $900 worth of meat, and we don't even have a freezer!" The Scotsman says, "That's nothing! My wife went out last week and bought a brand new $30,000 car, and she can't even drive!" Not to be out done, the Aussie says, "My wife is a lot dumber than that! Last week she left for a two week holiday in Paris and I saw her pack 20 condoms! Hell, she doesn't even have a penis!"

A jew, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar.

The bartender says "Is this a joke?"

Mike Tyson and OJ head to the Vatican to meet the pope and get absolved of all of their sins. While waiting for the pope to arrive Mike is eating nuts and throwing the shells on the floor. OJ gets a little agitated and decides to go for a stroll.

He comes back to find the Pope standing in front of Mike giving him the sign of the cross, ( Up - Down - Left and right).

OJ runs up to Mike and says - "Did the Pope bless you and forgive you for your sins???"

Mike replies - "No, he said - 'You (Up) pick up those nuts (Down), get that Nigger (Left) and get the fuck out (Right).'"

The joke sounds alot better if you can make the sign of the cross to the person you are telling the joke to.

I once met a dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang. So she went to see him.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all your crose."

The woman did as she was told.

"Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed.

Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did..

Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr. Chang sighed deeply, and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look ed zachary like your ass."

What goes: Clip clop, clip clop, clip clop, bang bang, clip clop, clip clop, clip clop?
→ An 'Amish' drive-by shooting

What do you call a Japanese drummer boy whose father has diarrhea?
→ A slap happy Jappy, with a crap happy pappy.