Ethnic — most viewed jokes

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "are there any Jews in China?"

"I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"

"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."

"Are you sure?" Al asked.

"I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.

While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."

When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."

"Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."

"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated.

"We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese Jews!"

An English guy is driving with a Polish guy as his passenger, when he decides to pull over because he suspect that his turn signal may not be working.

He asks the Polish guy if he doesn't mind stepping out of the car to check the lights while he tests them. The Polish guy steps out and stands in front of the car.

The English guy turns on the turn signal and asks, "Is it working?"

To which the Polish guy responds, "Yes, it's working....

No, it's not working....

Yes, it's working....

No, it's not working...."

A Polak, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.

A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, "Hi there...what are you doing carring a glass of water through the desert?"

The white guy explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water.

A little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. "What are you doing?" asked the rancher again.

As before, the black guy explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that's why he had the bread.

Finally the Polak appeared, dragging a car door through the sand. More curious than ever, the rancher asked, "Hey, why are you dragging that car door?"

"Well," said the Polak, "I have a long way to go, so if it gets too hot, I'll roll down the window."

In Heaven:

• The cooks are French
• The policemen are English
• The mechanics are German
• The lovers are Italian
• The bankers are Swiss

In Hell:

• The cooks are English
• The policemen are German
• The mechanics are French
• The lovers are Swiss
• The bankers are Italian

In Computer Heaven:

• The management is from Intel
• The design and construction is done by Apple
• The marketing is done by Microsoft
• IBM provides the support
• Gateway determines the pricing

In Computer Hell:

• The management is from Apple
• Microsoft does design and construction
• IBM handles the marketing
• The support is from Gateway
• Intel sets the price

During the Mexican American War, an intense long standoff occurred along the front. For days and days neither side made any advances.

Finally, an American general had a bright idea. He aimed his rifle to the Mexican trenches and yelled, "Hey, Juan!"

A soldier jumped up and replied, "What?" The general shot him dead.
This continued for three days.

A Mexican general decided that two could play this game and decided to try it out. He called out, "Hey, John!"

An American replied, "John isn't here. Is that you Juan?"

The Mexican general stood up, "Yeah" . . .

An old farmer is driving down a country road in his pickup truck when it starts making an awful noise. He stops the truck and crawls underneath to investigate the problem.
"Hmmm...muffler's loose. I bet I could fix that if I had a Monkey Wrench." He says.
He crawls out from underneath the truck and looks down the road. Off in the distance he sees a small house. There is a black woman and several small black children playing in the yard.

The Farmer yells to her "Hey Miss, do you happen to have Monkey Wrench?"

"What?" She yells back.

"A Monkey Wrench!!?" He screams.

"What?"

"MONKEY WRENCH!!?...

MONKEY WRENCH!!?"

"Naw, this ain't no Monkey Ranch, its a Day Care Center!"

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ None 'o yo' freakin' bitness!

How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Two. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis.

How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.

How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Both of them.

How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Two. One to screw it in and the other to say "Fabulous."

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ How many can you afford?

How many Lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Three. One to screw it in and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.

How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
→ "Twelve. Ya got a problem with dat?"

New Polish navy has glass bottom boats, to see to the old Polish navy.

A Dutchman, a German and a Belgian are planning to walk in the desert.

The Dutchman says: "I'll bring an umbrella for the shade when it gets too hot."

The German says: "I'll bring some sunglasses. This sun can really destroy your eyes!"

The Belgian remains silent.

Next day, the Dutchman and the German are astonished. "What's that?" they both shout. The Belgian answers: "It's a car door. Now I can open the window when it gets hot..."

How do you stop a 3 black men from raping a white woman?
→ Throw them a basketball!

What do you call a black priest?
→ Holy Shit!

What do you call a black woman taking birth control pills?
→ A Humanitarian.