Random joke from this category
There was an old lady who heard you could keep cigarettes dry at the beach by stuffing the pack into a condom. She stopped into the pharmacy to pick some up.
The pharmacist said, "What brand of condoms to you prefer ma'am."
She said, "I'm not sure, they're for my Camels," at which point he fainted.
An old man of 87 went to the hospital to get a radical new surgical procedure done where they stretch the skin and pull all the wrinkles up onto the top of the scalp making you appear years younger.
On his way out of the hospital, he met an old friend who didn't recognize him at first. "Rob, is that really you?" said the friend. "You look years younger. I didn't know you had a dimple in your chin."
"It's not a dimple, it's my belly button" said the old man and his friend laughed.
"If you think that's funny, take a look at what I'm wearing for a tie!"
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night!"
Two elderly Southern women are sitting on the veranda sipping lemonade and reminiscing about old times.
One says to the other, "Darling, do you remember the minuet?"
The other replies, "Sweetheart, I can't even remember the ones I screwed!"
What do you call a geriatric gynecologist?
→ A spreader of old wives' tales!
What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesn't?
→ Her navel.
A little old lady shaking violently as she walks in to the pharmacy asks the salesperson "do you sell vibrators". Surprised by the request, the sales person says yes! The little old lady says: "Well, how do you turn the damn things off!"
A 90 year man finally gets to see a Dr. and the dr. asks him what the problem is, the man says he wants the Dr. to lower his sex drive. The Dr. is taken aback a bit but finally asks the man, just how old are you? The man answers I am 90. The Dr., still a little confused says you are 90, and you want your sex drive lowered? Yes said the man, it's all in my head and I want you to lower it.
This guy is walking with his friend. He says to this friend, "I'm a walking economy."
The friend replies, "How so?"
"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"
Retirement means twice as much husband for half as much money.
