Elderly Jokes — most viewed jokes

What are you going to be when you get out of school?
→ An old man!

The next door neighbor of a middle-aged wife came over to inform her that her retired husband was chasing around after young prostitutes.

The woman smiled, "So what?"

The neighbor was surprised, "It doesn't bother you that he's running around with those women?"

The woman replied, "I also have a little dog who chases cars and buses, too."

What do you call an old dentist?
→ A bit long in the tooth

A little kid is sitting on a park bench eating a bag of chocolates. An old man walking by stops to say that if he continues to eat like that he won't live very long; indignantly the kid says, "Oh yeah, my grandfather lived to be 104 years old."

The old man replies, "I'm sure he did, kid, but it wasn't from eating all that chocolate."

"Oh no sir," says the kid, "it was by minding his own business!"

- Boy: Grandma, do you know how to croak.

- Grandma: No, I don't think so. Why?

- Boy: Because Daddy says he'll be a rich man when you do.

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.

She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"

Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup."