Dumb Jokes — most viewed jokes

Did you hear about the idiot who made his chickens drink boiling water?
He thought they would lay hard boiled eggs.

How can if you have a stupid dog?
→ It chases parked cars!

• You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning.
• I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.
• In the next life, you'll blaze a way for us.
• You are master in your own house -- the doghouse!
• When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral, but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.
• You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime.
• Believe me, I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit?
• I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla.
• Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.
• Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadn't.
• People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears.
• Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly.

Two Alabama State Trooper Patrol cars were in hot pursuit of a Camaro heading east towards Georgia on I-90. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first trooper pulled over immediately. The rookie Trooper pulled over right behind him and asked, "Sarge, why'd you stop?"

"You dumb rookie," replied the Sarge. "He's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we'll never catch him."

Carmella and Mario were out on their first date. "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" asked Carmella.

"No," said Mario. "Who wrote it?"

Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads?
→ Because they're headcases.

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).

If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

What do you call a dumb bunny?
→ A hare brain.

What's more dangerous than being with a fool?
→ Fooling with a bee!

Why does the town idiot take his bedroom door off the hinges and put it to the sid every night when he goes to sleep?
→ Because he's afraid someone would look through the keyhole.