Dumb Jokes — most viewed jokes

Slim walked into his local post office and noticed a new sign on the wall: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN MONTANA
"Gosh!" he said, "If n only that job was in Texas, Ah'd take it!"

The teacher asked a Louisiana teenager to count to five. The youngster proceeded to count to five on his fingers.

Then the teacher asked, "Can you count any higher?"

The boy raised his hands over his head and counted to five again.

A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

- Cop: Do you know where you were going?

- Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.

Tyfus applied for a job in a factory.

The company doctor who was giving him a physical asked, "Have your eyes ever been checked?"

"No," said the worker.
"They've always been brown."

My friend is so stupid that he thinks twice before saying nothing.

Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?

• If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.
• If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
• Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.
• Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.
• I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!!
• I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
• They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.
• You should toss out more of your funny remarks that's all they're good for.
• People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
• You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.
• I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!
• If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder it would be genocide!

• Her learning curve is fractal.
• Her lint trap is full.
• Her lists are unlinked.
• Her memory is truly random-access.
• Her mental function can be graphed with a single dot.
• Her mere presence causes parity errors, power fails, and head crashes.
• Her mind is not grounded to a logic supply.
• Her mind might have spontaneously combusted.
• Her mind would be unstable even mounted on a tripod.
• Her modem lights are on but there's no carrier.
• Her objects are not fully oriented.
• Her phone doesn't quite reach her desk.
• Her random access is the same as her sequential access.
• Her sewing machine's been out of thread for some time now.
• Her ski lift doesn't go to the top of the hill.
• Her stack has been corrupted.
• Her synapses are about |that| far apart.
• Her system file has zero bytes.
• Her tires are a little low.
• Her wipers don't touch the glass.
• Her word length is zero bits.
• Hid behind the door when they passed out brains.
• High relative humidity... He's lost in a fog.
• His .sig is long, boring, and stupid, but it's the best part of his postings.
• His access light's on, but the drive isn't spinning / is still spinning up.
• His accumulator overflows at zero.
• His actual mileage varies.
• His antenna/radio doesn't pick up all the channels/stations.
• His boot block is in a bad sector.
• His brackets are mismatched.