Dumb Jokes — most viewed jokes

This Polak came home one day from work, hung up his coat, took off his hat and walked into his bedroom shouting "honey I am home!"

What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife.

Infuriated, he rushed to the cupboard, pulled out his gun and put it to his head. His wife started laughing.

"Don't laugh!" he screams. "You're next!"

Two blonde robbers were robbing a hotel.

- I hear sirens. Jump! said the first one.

- But we're on the 13th floor! said the second one.

- This is no time to be superstitious, the first one screamed back.

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear: No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"

The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."

"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield."

The general said, "Drive on!"

The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."

The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"

The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?"

Why can't the blonde put in a light bulb?
→ She kept breaking them with the hammer.

A blonde was standing in front of a pop machine. Her boyfriend looks over and hears her screaming at the machine...

"You're a dumb-looking button!" "You don't have much of a future, either!" "You're going to be replaced by a much better looking button!" "I've got better looking buttons than you in my dresser drawer!"

Thinking she flipped her lid, her boyfriend walks over to see what the fuss is about.

"What in the heck are you doing?" her boyfriend asks.

The blonde quickly points to the sign on the front of the machine that reads... "DEPRESS BUTTON FOR ICE".

Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective. One was Polish, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. Rather than ask the standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.

When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked, "Who killed Jesus Christ?"

The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.

When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.

When the Polish man arrived for his interview, he was asked the exact same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tommorrow."

When the Polish man arrived home, his wife asked "How did the interview go?" He replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!"

Did you hear about the tragedy in Poland? In Poland's largest shopping mall, there was a terrible power outage. People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours.

• Operating in stand-by mode.
• Ought to have a warning label on his forehead.
• Out there where the buses don't run.
• Outlet isn't grounded.
• Over the rainbow.
• Overdue for reincarnation.
• Overruns above 110 baud.
• Paged/swapped out.
• Paralyzed from the neck up.
• Parents beat him with an ugly stick.
• Parked his head and forgot where he left it.
• Pedaling real fast, but not getting anywhere.
• People around her are at risk of second hand idiocy.
• Perfect chassis, bad driver.
• Perfect face for Halloween.
• Perfect percussionist for an acapella group (duh, duh, duh...)
• Perfect training subject for apprentice hypnotists.
• Permanently out to lunch.
• Permanently rotated 90 degrees from the rest of us.
• Phototrophic on a better day.
• Pins 2 and 3 (RS-232) permanently connected to ground.
• Playing an endgame with a king and no other pieces.
• Playing baseball with a rubber bat.
• Playing hockey with a warped puck.
• Playing Scrabble, but we can't figure out what words he's building.
• Plays pinochle with a poker deck.
• Plays solitaire... for cash.
• Plays tennis with no net and finds it challenging.
• Plenty of myelin but not enough neurons.
• Plenty of salt in the shaker, but no holes in the cap.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

- Man: God, my girlfriend is so pretty and has such pretty hair.

- God: I know, I made her that way so you would love her.

- Man: God, she has such beautiful blue eyes.

- God: I know I made them for her so you would love her.

- Man: There is only one thing wrong with her. She is a little dense.

- God: I know.. I made her that way so she could love YOU!