Dumb Jokes — most viewed jokes

What does the N on the Nebraska football helmet stand for?
→ "Nowledge."

There was a man that owned a giant gorilla and, all its life, he'd never left it on its own. But eventually he had to go on a business trip and had to leave his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor. So he explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six and nine o'clock. But he was never ever, ever to touch its fur.

So the next day the man came and gave the gorilla a banana and looked at it for a while thinking, "Why can't I touch its fur?" as their didnt seem to be anything wrong with it. Every day he came in and looked for a little while longer as he still couldnt understand until, about a week later, he'd worked himself into a frenzy and decided that he was going to touch the gorilla. He passed it the banana and very gently brushed the back of his hand against its fur.

Suddenly the gorilla went ape shit and started to jump around, then it turned and began to running towards the man who, in turn, ran through the front door, over the lawn, across the street, into some one else's sports car and drove off. In the rear-view mirror, he could see the gorilla in its own sports car, driving right behing him. He drove for two hours until the engine began to splutter and the car just stopped. He jumped out and began to run down the street, over a brick wall, into someone's front garden and up the apple tree. He turned around to find the gorilla right behind him beating its chest. The man jumped down and ran back in to the street screaming, until it became dark and he thought he'd lost the gorilla.

The man ran into an alleyway then, suddenly, he saw a giant shaddow coming down the street ahead. The gorilla! It came to the end of the alley, stood and looked striaght into the bloodshoot eyes of the man and came towards him slowly. This time there was no escape. As the gorilla neared him, the man began to feel faint. The giant beast came face to face with him, raised its mighty hand and said, "Tag! You're it!"

What do you get when you cross a 1-legged Polak with a Mongoloid?
→ A Polaroid One-Step.

Who wears a forest ranger's hat and carries a can of kerosene?
→ Stanislaus the Fire Prevention Bear of the Polish National Forest Service.

- Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company.

- Would you spell that, please?

- Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you.

The operator pauses. "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor . . ."

Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"

- Well, I see thousands of stars.

- And what does that mean to you?

- Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?

- To me, it means someone has stolen our tent.

Yo Mama's so stupid, she got locked in a "Furniture World" and slept on the floor.

- Information. Can I help you?

- I'd like the number of the Theater Guild, please.

- One moment, please. Pause. I'm sorry sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guild.

- No, no. It isn't a person. It's an organization. It's Theater Guild.

- I told you, sir. I have no listing for a Theodore Guild.

- Not Theodore! Theater! The word is theater. T-H-E-A-T-E-R!

- That, sir, is NOT the way you spell Theodore.

There are three construction workers on top of a building having lunch. One Italian, one Polak, and one Oriental.

The Italian has a meatball hero, the Oriental has noodles, and the Polak has knockwurst. The Italian and the Oriental are tired of having the same lunches everyday. The Italian says that if he gets a meatball hero the next day that he will throw it off the building. The Oriental says that if he gets noodles tommorow he will also throw it off the building. The Polak says that if he gets knockwurst tommorow he will throw it off the building.

Sure enough the Italian and Oriental workers open their lunch-boxes and they find that they have a meatball hero and noodles respectively. They both throw their lunches off the building. The Polak then throws his sandwich off the building.

The other guys ask him how he knew that it was knockwurst again without even looking.

He responded by saying, "Because I pack my own lunch."

The other day my house caught fire. The insurance agent said, "Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?" I said, "Fire and theft."

Insurance agent frowned. "Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft."

Apparently, the only way I can make a claim with this coverage is if the house is robbed while it's burning down.