Doctor Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Doctor, doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow.

- Don't let people push you around.

Did you hear about the Jewish doctor who gave a patient six months to live?
→ When the patient couldn't pay, the doctor gave him another six months.

- Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can you give me something?

- Yes - here's a kite!

Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient?

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.

The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."

"Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor.

"It's worth a try," he says. So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this."

"What?" says the priest. "What happened?"

"You gave birth to a child."

"But that's impossible!"

"I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby."

About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must tell his son the truth. One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."

The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"

The priest replies, "I'm your mother. The archbishop is your father."

- Doctor, doctor, No one believes a word I say.

- Tell me the truth now, what's your REAL problem?

Two psychologists meet at their twentieth college reunion. One of them looks like he just graduated, while the other psychologist looks old, worried and withered.
The older looking one asks the other, "What's your secret? Listening to other people's problems every day, all day long, for years on end, has made an old man of me."
The younger looking one replies, "Who listens?"

A man went to the dentist to get his teeth checked.

While he was sitting in the chair being examined, the dentist said to him, "Have you done oral sex lately?"

The man replied, "Why yes, I did this morning actually. How could you tell? Have you found a pubic hair stuck in my tooth?"

The dentist says, "No, not quite. You've got some shit on the end of your nose!"

- Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?

- No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

There was this city doctor who started a practice in the countryside. He once had to go to a farm to attend to a sick farmer who lived there. After a few housecalls he stopped coming to the farm.

The puzzled farmer finally phoned him to ask whats the matter, didn't he like him or somethin'.

The doctor replied, "No, its your ducks at the entrance... Every time I enter the farm, they insult me!"