Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?
→ A $20 bill

A man went into a store to buy some condoms.
"That's 1 dollar 15 plus tax," said the store assistant. "I don't need tacks," said the man. "It'll stay up all by itself."

What is 61 to a blonde?
→ She wants 8 (ate) more.

In a nursing home, there is this old woman named Gladys who likes to walk around and flash people. She walks up to a nun, opens her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The nun says, "Gladys, you know you're not supposed to do that. Now go back to your room."
Gladys starts walking back and sees the minister. She walks up to him, opens her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The minister is shocked and tells her to go back to her room. As she continues, she sees an old man lying on the bed. She walks in, flashes him, and yells "Super Pussy!" The man slowly turns his head and says, "Thanks, I think I'll have the soup."

A guy goes to the doctor with a mysterious pain and tells the doctor, "Doctor, my penis has been burning lately."

And the doctor said reassuringly, "Don't worry son, that just means someone is talking about it."

The brash young gynecologist, fresh out of medical school, took one look at his voluptuous new patient and abandoned his professional ethics entirely. As he stroked the supple skin of her naked body, he asked, "Do you understand what I am doing?"

"Yes," the patient answered. "You're checking for dermatological abrasions."

"Correct," the doctor lied.

Next, he fondled her breasts long and lovingly. Again, he inquired, "Do you understand what I am doing?"

"You're feeling for cancerous lumps," she ventured.

"Very astute," the doctor complimented, getting more excited. He placed the woman's feet in stirrups, dropped his pants, and slipped his member inside her.

"And do you understand what I am doing now?"

"All too well," the patient shot back. "You're contracting herpes!"

Two young couples marry the same day and, being all friends, leave together for honeymoon to stay at the same Hotel in Venice, door to door.

The next morning, the two brand new husbands step out on their balconies to have a breath of fresh air.

- So? How was it going last night? C'mon, tell me! How's your wife?

- Uhh, fine I guess, she's lying on the bed smoking.

- Jesus! My wife just got a bit sore...

Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place.

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower.
"Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money."

Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
→ They don't have balls to scratch.

Did you hear about the new computer virus?

It's called the "Lorena Bobbit Virus".

Apparently, it turns your hard drive into a 3 1/2 inch floppy!