Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

There was a virgin who wanted to marry a farmer boy.

One day, she went to his parents' house for dinner. When they got done eating dinner, they decided to go for a walk through the pasture. While they were walking, they came upon 2 horses that were mating. She looks at them with wonder because she has never seen anything like this before.

She asks the boy:

- What are they doing?

He says:

- They're making love.

- Well, what's that long thing he's sticking in there? - she asked.

- Oh, uh, that's his rope - he answered.

- Well, what are those two round things on the other end? - she asked.

He says:

- Those are his knots.

She says:

- Oh, ok, I got it.

As they continue their stroll, they come to a barn and go in. She looks at him and says:

- I want you to make love to me the way those animals were.

Surprised and excited, the boy agrees.

While they are getting at it all hot and heavy, she grabs his balls and squeezes.

- Whoa, what are you doing?! - he shouts.

The girl innocently replies:

- I'm untying the knots so I'll get more rope!

What happened at the cannibal's wedding party?
→ They toasted the bride and groom.

The boss of a large company says to his protege:

- I'm transferring you to the northern office.

The protege says:

- But that place is full of whores and football players!

The boss replies:

- My wife used to live there!

The protege quickly responds:

- Really?? What position does she play?

Why do blondes where underwear?
→ To keep their ankles warm.

New IRS Tax Policy
GOVERNMENT NOTICE
January 1, 1995
To: All Male Taxpayers
From: IRS
RE: Notice of Increase in Tax Payment Form 1040P

The only thing the IRS has not yet taxed is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up, and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of this, it has two dependents and both are nuts.

Accordingly, starting January 1, 1995 your penis will be taxed according to it's size. To determine your category, please consult the chart below and confirm this information on page 2, section 7, line 3 of your standard 1040 form.

• 12-10 inches -- Luxury Tax -- $50.00
• 10-8 inches -- Pole Tax -- $30.00
• 8-6 inches -- Privilege Tax -- $15.00
• 6-4 inches -- Nuisance Tax -- $5.00

Please Note:

• Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a full refund.
• Males exceeding 12 inches must file for Capital Gains.

Please do not request an extension

Sincerely,
Pecker Checker
Internal Revenue Services

Cinderella REALLY wanted to go to Prince Charming's ball, but as you know the evil stepsisiers and stepmother will not let her. So they leave her all alone on the big night, cleaning the place.

- Oh, how I wish I could go! - Cinderella sighed.

No sooner had she said this than her Fairy Godmother appeared, holding a long, beautiful white dress.

- Here, god-child - the fairy said.

- try this on.

So Cinderella puts the thing on, and it fits perfectly, except she notices some red drops on the white fabric.

- Dammit - Cinderella said.

- of all the lousy nights to get my period!

So the God mother presents her with a magic Tampon to solve the problem, but the tampon has a warning on it:

- Please return to the house by midnight or the tampon will be turned into a pumpkin.

Cinderella puts it in her and goes to the Ball.

Meanwhile, the Fairy Godmother awaits Cinderella's return. 10 o'clock -- 11 o'clock -- 12 o'clock -- 1 o'clock

Finally, at around 3 in the morning, a very out of breath Cinderella stumbles in.

- My God! What happened to you? What about the tampon? What about the prince?

- Forget the prince - Cinderella sighed.

- At around one o'clock I met the most amazing guy...

Peter Peter something...

A girl goes on a blind date.

The blind date hadn't been all that great, and she was relieved the evening was finally over. At her apartment door, her date suddenly said:

- Hey! You wanna see my underwear?

Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn't wearing any underwear.

She glanced down and said:

- Nice design - does it also come in men's sizes?

Why are cowgirls always bowlegged?
→ Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.

I, Caesar, when I heard of the fame
To Cleopatra I straightway laid claim
Ahead of my legions I invaded her regions
I saw, I conquered, I came!

DO I HAVE TO BE MARRIED TO HAVE SAFE FAX?
→ Although married people fax quite often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.

MY PARENTS SAY THEY NEVER HAD FAX WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG AND WERE ONLY ALLOWED TO WRITE MEMOS TO EACH OTHER UNTIL THEY WERE TWENTYONE. HOW OLD DO YOU THINK SOMEONE SHOULD BE BEFORE THEY CAN FAX?
→ Faxing can be performed at any age, once you learn the correct procedure.

IF I FAX MYSELF, WILL I GO BLIND?
→ Certainly not, as far as we can see.

THERE IS A PLACE ON OUR STREET WHERE YOU CAN GO AND PAY FOR FAX. IS THIS LEGAL?
→ Yes. many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and Must pay a "professional" when their needs to fax become too great.

SHOULD A COVER ALWAYS BE USED FOR FAXING?
→ Unless you are really sure of the one you're faxing, a cover sheet should be used to insure safe fax.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I INCORRECTLY DO THE PROCEDURE AND I FAX PREMATURELY?
→ Don't panic. Many people prematurely fax when they haven't faxed in a long time. Just start Over; Most people won't mind if you try again.

I HAVE A PERSONAL AND BUSINESS FAX. CAN TRANSMISSIONS BECOME MIXED UP?
→ Being bi-faxual can be confusing, but as long as you use a cover with each one, you won't transmit anything You're not supposed to.