Computer Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why do beavers spend a fortune on the Internet?
→ They never want to log off.

In a restroom at IBM's Watson Center, a supervisor had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it -- "THINK!"

The next day, when he went to the restroom, he looked at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read -- "THOAP!"

What do rabbits put in their computers?
→ Hoppy disks!

What kind of horse has trouble keeping track of his Macintosh?
→ An Appaloosa!

Which of the seven dwarfs use the Internet?
→ Happ-e, Sleep-e, Grump-e, Dope-e and Sneez-e.

- Doctor, doctor, should I surf the Internet on an empty stomach?

- No, you should do it on a computer.

How does Robin hood send messages around Sherwood Forest?
→ By tree mail!

YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN ON THE COMPUTER FOR TOO LONG...

• When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
• When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
• When you dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors.
• When your wife says "If you don't turn off that damn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for omitting the "else" clause.
• You try to sleep, and think sleep (8 * 3600); /* sleep for 8 hours */
• When you are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page.
• When after fooling around all day with routers etc., you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number and hummmmm to imitate a modem... and you succeed...
• When you get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want.
• When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
• When you look for a icon to double-click to open your bedroom window.
• When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.
• When you look for a trash can icon for throwing garbage.

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.

So he called on a female angel and sent her to Earth for a time.

When she returned she told God, "Yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good."

Well, he thought for a moment and said "Maybe I had better send down a male angel; to get both points of view."

So God called a male angel and sent him to Earth for a time.

When the male angel returned he went to God and told him "Yes, the Earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good."

God said this was not good. He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good and encourage them a little, something to help them keep going.

Do you know what that E-mail said?

Oh! You didn't get one either huh?

What do you call someone who spends 24 hours a day on the Internet?
→ Anything you like, they're not listening to you anyway.