Computer Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do you get when you cross a hooker with a systems engineer?
→ A fuckin know-it-all!

You Decide

'But that isn't a fair comparison. People like the Etch-A-Sketch.'

After admiring the above signature I thought I'd post a comparison, similar to the other great computer wars.

Etch-A-Sketch / Mac Classic

• No. of Colours: 2 / 2
• Resolution: ~2000 × ~2000 / 512 × 342
• No. of buttons: 2 / 1
• Preemptive Multitasking: Yes / No
• Hardware line draw: Yes / No
• Price: < $20 / ~$1000
• Power Consumption: No / Yes
• Laptop: Yes / No
• Slow Operating System: No / Yes
• Non Volatile Memory: Yes / No
• Choice of Coloured box: Yes / No
• Robust design (shakeable): Yes / No

After considering the above options, I decided to buy the Etch-A-Sketch.

For all you die-hard Amiga fanatics out there rumour has it that the Etch-A-Sketch-Emulator is coming out for the Amiga, and will in fact be faster than the true E-A-S.

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

- How much does it cost for engineer brain?

- Three dollars an ounce.

- How much does it cost for programmer brain?

- Four dollars an ounce.

- How much for lawyer brain?

- $1,000 an ounce.

- Why is lawyer brain so much more?

- Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?

What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address?
→ Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.

• PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
• ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
• APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
• SCSI: System Can't See It
• DOS: Defunct Operating System
• BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
• IBM: I Blame Microsoft
• DEC: Do Expect Cuts
• CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
• OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too.
• WWW: World Wide Wait
• MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

One day in line for the automatic teller I overheard:

- Person 1: Gee, I don't get it..

- Person 2: What's wrong?

- Person 1: My card wont work.

- Person 2: Did anything happen to it?

- Person 1: I don't think so... It wasn't working very well for a while, so I rubbed the strip on the back with a magnet to recharge it... Now it isn't working at all!

Redmond, WA --Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will be delayed until the second quarter of 1901.

Don't you wish when life is bad
and things just don't compute,
That all we really had to do
was stop and hit reboot?

Things would all turn out ok,
life could be so sweet
If we had those special keys
Ctrl, Alt, and Delete
Your boss is mad, your bills not paid,
your wife, well she's just mute
Just stop and hit those wonderful keys
that make it all reboot
You'd like to have another job
but you fear living in the street?

You solve it all and start a new,
Ctrl, Alt, and Delete

If Wang made toasters...

Marketing would never agree upon what customers really want or need in a toaster so millions of dollars would be spent in development and the toaster would be several years late.

Just after release Wang would buy another company whose toaster ran on NT but would find that they got more orders for the original.

A friend of mine told me he had signed up with one of these on-line dating services. I asked him the other day if he had had any luck and he said he'd quit -- seems they'd matched him up with his wife.