Computer Jokes — most viewed jokes

Who sits at the end of the yellow brick road surfing the Net?
→ The www.izard of Oz.

What do you call the queue of Software Engineers standing outside Heaven?
→ The Y2K deadline!

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown?
→ Artificial intelligence.

A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end...

"And lead us not into temptation",

she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."

How many computer journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Five. One to write a review of all the existing light bulbs so you can decide which one to buy, another one to write a remarkably similar one in another magazine the next month, a third to have a big one come out on glossy paper two months later that is by then completely out of date, a fourth to hint in her column that a completely new and updated bulb is coming out, and the fifth to report a rumor that that new bulb is shipping with a virus.

Microsoft's ad slogan for Windows 95 was "Where do you want to go today?"

Now that Windows 98 is out, Microsoft have disclosed the alternatives that were considered when Windows 95 was released:

1. Windows: The colorful clown suit for DOS.
2. Double your drive space: Delete Windows!
3. Windows and DOS: A turtle and its shell.
4. Microsoft gives you Windows - OS/2 gives you the whole house.
5. A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle.
6. Bang on the left side of your computer to restart Windows.
7. Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance.
8. I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better.
9. I'll never forget the first time I ran Windows, but I'm trying.
10. My lastest screen-saver: Curtains for Windows.
11. OS/2 ... Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates.
12. Out of disk space. Delete Windows? [Y]es [H]ell Yes!
13. Windows3.1: The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.
14. Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty.
15. How do you want to crash today?

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where :) means a smile and :( is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by :o) and :o( respectively. Well, how about some "assicons"?

Here's a few:

• (_!_) a regular ass
• (__!__) a fat ass
• (!) a tight ass
• (_^^_) a bubble ass
• (_*_) a sore ass
• {_!_} a swishy ass
• (o) an ass that's been around
• (x) kiss my ass
• (X) leave my ass alone
• (zzz) a tired ass
• (o^^o) a wise ass
• (E=mc2) a smart ass
• (_$_) Money coming out of his ass
• (_?_) Dumb Ass

The Latest Report on Windows98: New Error Codes Assigned

• Winerr 000 - Unexpected Intelligent User Detected; Please Reload Everything
• Winerr 001 - Intimidation Failed; Attempting to Crash Repeatedly
• Winerr 002 - Erroneous Error; No Error Occurred (Yet)
• Winerr 003 - RAM Depleted; Annex Japan (Y/N)?
• Winerr 004 - Deluxe Error. Please Send $75 to Upgrade Your Error
• Winerr 005 - Long File Name Error; Tape Erased to Make Room for Filename
• Winerr 006 - Insufficient RAM to Crash Properly; Attempting Fake Crash
• Winerr 007 - Alphanumeric Sequence "OS2" Prohibited
• Winerr 008 - This License Has Expired; Please Purchase Another Copy
• Winerr 009 - Error Buffer Overflow; Too Many Errors
• Winerr 00A - Non-Microsoft Application Encountered
• Winerr 00B - Push Error; Removing Files to Make Room for Advertisement
• Winerr 00C - Windows Loaded Correctly This Time
• Winerr 00D - User Error; Lemming Not Found
• Winerr 00E - Open Standard Encountered; Attempting to Redmondize
• Winerr 00F - Reserved for Future Coding Errors
• Winerr 010 - Virus Error - Other Applications Will Be Closed Instead
• Winerr 011 - Orwell Not Found; You Must Use MSN
• Winerr 012 - Cash Underflow - Credit Card Number Will Be Assimilated
• Winerr 013 - Keyboard Error; User Must Learn to Slow Down
• Winerr 014 - User Error; Reading License Agreement Mandatory to Continue
• Winerr 015 - Error Message Deleted
• Winerr 016 - Expected Error Did Not Occur; Attempting to Restart Error Sequence
• Winerr 017 - Multitasking Attempted; System Confused
• Winerr 018 - Network Error - Your Crash Will Be Replicated to All Stations
• Winerr 019 - Freedom-of-Choice Error; Select a Microsoft Browser To Continue
• Winerr 01A - Insult Detected -- Your Bill Gates Joke Will Be Deleted
• Winerr 01B - Error Removing Temp File; a Permanent File Will Be Substituted
• Winerr 01C - Wrong Disk Formatted. Sorry About That.
• Winerr 01D - Mandatory Error Inserted to Meet Error Quota
• Winerr 01E - Please Insert Your Favorite Error Here
• Winerr 01F - Error In Progress; Please Wait....
• Winerr 020 - Unknown Error Occurred But Was Lost. Windows Will Try To Remember
• Winerr 021 - Error Parsing Error List; Please Wait For Next Error
• Winerr 022 - Upgrade Error; Please Format Your Drive And Reload Everything

- Doctor, doctor, I feel like I'm part of the Internet!

- Well, you do look a site

Why couldn't the baby camel surf the Internet?
→ Because whenever his parents saw their phone bill they got the hump.