Computer Jokes — most viewed jokes

Women are like computers -- even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

What is a computer's first sign of old age?
→ Loss of memory.

What does a baby computer call his father?
→ Data.

What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard?
→ The space bar.

What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
→ It slipped a disk.

Why was there a bug in the computer?
→ It was looking for a byte to eat.

What is a computer virus?
→ A terminal illness.

To err is human, but to really mess things up requires a computer.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

My computer isn't that nervous. It's just a bit ANSI.

The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.

While trying to diagnose a problem over the phone I told the user to type out his autoexec.bat file.

He said it said "File not found".

I told him to do a dir.

I asked him if he saw autoexec.bat listed.

He said, "Well it says autoexec, then there's some spaces, but no dot, and then it says bat."

I said type this in "type autoexec.bat".

Again he got "File not found".

I asked him to tell me exactly what he typed.

He said, "I typed just what you told me: `type autoexecdotbat'.

"Hard drive" -- Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.

"Keyboard" -- Place to hang your truck keys.

"Window" -- Place in the truck to hang your guns.

"Floppy" -- When you run out of Polygrip.

"Modem" -- How you got rid of your dandelions.

"ROM" -- Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.

"Byte" -- First word in a kiss-off phrase.

"Reboot" -- What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.

"Network" -- Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.

"Mouse" -- Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.

"LAN" -- To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."

"Cursor" -- What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.

"bit" -- A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."

"digital control" -- What yore fingers do on the TV remote.

"packet" -- What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.

Why did the computer act crazy?
→ It had a screw loose.

Young Judy, the editor of a trivia publication, was having trouble with her computer. So she called Prem, the computer guy, over to her desk. Prem clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, Judy called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

And he replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

A puzzled expression ran riot over Judy's face. "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again??"

He gave her a grin... ;-)

"Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," replied Judy.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

(She wrote...)

I D 1 0 T

- Me: What is that noise?

- Customer: Hey Martinez!! I'm on the phone! Cut it out!

- Me: What was that?

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

- Customer: It's from a device.

- Me: What kind of device?

- Customer: I don't know.

- Me: Like a fax machine or something?

- Customer: I don't know. Someone is under house arrest or something.

What creature has the best aptitude for engineering?
→ The spider -- It has its own website.

How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.

How many IBM employees does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Fifteen. Five to do it, and ten to write document number GC7500439-001, Multitasking Incadescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank".