Celebrities — most viewed jokes

Who's got long blonde hair and big tits, and lives in Melbourne, Australia?
→ Salman Rushdie.

On Jeopardy...

- Trebek: The category is "Political Subversion". The answer is: This entity is dedicated to the destruction of religion, morality, and the American way of life.

- Player: What is the KGB?

- Trebek: Be more specific.

- Player: What is PBS?

- Trebek: Right!

Did you hear that Oprah Winfrey was arrested at the airport for drug smuggling?
→ It seems she bent over and someone saw fifty pounds of crack....

What's got 400 legs and no pubic hair?
→ The front row of a Hanson concert

What do you get when you cross Viagra and Rogaine?
→ Don King.

What do you call 5 dogs with no balls?
→ The Spice Girls!

It was a nice sunny day when three men were walking down a country road, when they saw a bush with a pig's ass popping out. The first man says, "I wish that was Demi Moore's Ass." The second man says, "I wish that was Pamela Anderson's Ass." Then the third man says, "I wish it was dark."

This is a true story of the late Irish author Brendan Behan who one night collapsed in a diabetic coma in a Dublin street. It was at a time when he was at the height of his drunken notoriety and passes-by naturally thought he was dead drunk. They took him to the nearby surgery of one of Dublin's most fashionable and respected doctors. The doctor decided to take a cardiograph and, somewhat nervous of his patient, thought to humor him. He explained the workings of the cardiograph needle as it registered the faint heartbeats of the very sick and semiconscious Brendan.

"That needle there is writing down your pulses, Mr. Behan, and I suppose, in its own way, it is probably the most important thing you have ever written."

To which Behan replied: "Aye, and it's straight from me heart, too."

Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
→ He thought it was a delivery service.

What can Calista Flockhart do with dental floss?
→ Hang herself.