Camping Jokes — most viewed jokes

Two guys decide to go on a hunting trip. When there friend hears about it, he begges to go. The two men are skeptical, because every time there friend goes, he scares away all the game. The friend promises that if he is allowed to go, he will stay at the camp site, because he likes to camp more than hunt. They agree and they start on their trip.

Once camp is set up, the two men decide to go hunt, and their friend stays behind. After several hours they finally spot a ten point buck, but a shrill scream scares the buck away. The two men run back to camp, only to find their friend standing there looking up into the trees.

"What's wrong?" They asked. "Yeah, you scared off our game."

"I'm sorry, fellas. I didn't screm when the snake fell out of the tree and wrapped aound my neck. I didn't yell when the bear came out of the woods and mauled me nearly to death. But those SQUIRELS..."

What had happened to the poor man was that two squirels had climbed up his pants leg. The first squirel asked the second, "Do we eat them NOW, or do we take them HOME?"

- Camper: Is it easy to milk a cow?

- Farmer: Sure it is. Any jerk can do it.

Jack went to see the camp nurse. 'I fell last night,' he said. 'And I was unconscious for eight hours.'
The nurse was shocked. 'How awful. What happened?'
'I fell asleep!'

Three firefighters went out on a hunting trip. There was a rookie, a captain, and a chief.
The weather was misrable and they hadn't seen any deer all day. They came across an old shack where they went inside to play a game of poker.
After loosing a couple of hands, the rookie threw down his cards and said "that does it! I am going out to get me a deer." Fifteen minutes later, the rookie came back with a nice four point buck.
The captain and chief asked, "how did you get that?" The rookie replied, "I walked out fifty feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck".
The captain then said, "I've had enough of this I am going to get my deer." He came back a half hour later with a 6-point buck. The chief asked, "how did you get that?" The captain replied, "I walked out a hundred feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck." The chief not wanting to be out done said "I am out of here, I am going to bag the biggest buck of the day." He came back an hour later, all mangled up and bloody. The rookie and captain asked, "what happened to you?"
The chief replied, "I walked out there five hundred feet, followed some tracks, and got hit by a train."

Where does a woodsman keep his pigs?
→ In his hog cabin!

Ron and James had been camping together for a week when they finally had enough of each other, so Ron had an idea for the two to wake up early the next day and hike in opposite directions for the day and meet at the campground for dinner. James agreed.

So around 6 the next evening they meet up. Ron says "I hiked north and came up to a beautiful spring, I swam for a few hours, then stretched out on the shore to dry and I watched a deer drink from the spring... it was so wonderful."

James said "Wow, you had a good day. I went south and ran into some railroad tracks, I followed them east until I came across a woman tied to the tracks, I untied her and we had sex in every imaginable way all day."

Ron was so jealous "Your day was so much better than mine... did you get a blow job?"

"Nope" James replied, "I couldn't find her head!"

Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"

The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

Why did the Boy Scout take up the banjo?
→ They make good paddles.

The head Counselor gathered all the campers together. To get their attention, the Counselor called out, 'Order! Order!'
In a flash someone shouted out, 'Hamburger, coke and fries!'

Actual comments received in 1996 from the Bridger Wilderness registration sheets and comment cards:

• Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.
• Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce world-wide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.
• Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.
• All the mile markers are missing this year.
• Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse.
• Trail needs to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.
• Too many bugs and leaches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.
• Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow during the winter.
• Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.
• The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.
• A small deer came into my camp and stole my jar of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call __ __ __.
• Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.
• Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.
• Need more signs to keep area pristine.
• A McDonalds would be nice at the trailhead.
• The places where trails do not exist are not well marked.
• I brought lots of sandwich makings, but forgot bread. If you have extra bread, leave it in the yellow tent at V Lake.
• Too many rocks in the mountains.