Camping Jokes — most viewed jokes

A kid at a sleep-away camp wrote home, "Please send me some food. All they serve here are meals."

A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that morning and took a nap.

While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book.

Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing? She says, "Reading my book."

The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing. To which he replied, "But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!"

Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, "If you do that, I will charge you with rape."

The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't even touch you."

To which the lady replied, "Yes; but you have all the equipment!"

Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, "Did you see that?" The second guy says, "No." "A bald eagle just flew over head." "Oh." A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, "Did you see that?" "No." "There was a black bear walking on that hill over there." "Oh." A few minutes later the second guy says, "Did you see that?" The second guy, getting aggravated, says, "Yes, I did!" The first guy then says, "Then why did you step in it?"

- Camper: Look at that bunch of cows.

- Farmer: Not bunch, herd.

- Camper: Heard what?

- Farmer: Of cows.

- Camper: Sure I've heard of cows.

- Farmer: No, I mean a cowherd.

- Camper: So what? I have no secrets from cows!

Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing no more than 50 feet in front of them.

The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes, then began to furiously attempt to lace them up as the bear slowly approached them. The second man looked at the first, confused, and said, "What are you doing? Running shoes aren't going to help, you can't outrun that bear." "I don't need to," said the first man, "I just need to outrun you."

A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch. When they reach their deer blinds, the guy says, "If you shoot a deer, be sure not to let somebody else say he's the one who shot it. Otherwise, he'll take the deer from you. The deer belongs to whoever shoots it." The guy goes to his own blind. Ten minutes later, he hears his wife shooting from her blind nearby. He rushes over and finds her pointing her rifle at a cowboy who's hollering, "Awright, lady, awright--you can have the goddamn deer! Just lemme get my saddle off it!"

Ed, Ted and their wives went out camping one weekend. Ed and Ted slept in one tent while the wives used the other.

At about three in the morning, Ted woke up and yelled, "Wow, unbelievable!"

Which woke Ed.

- What's going on?

- I've got to go to the other tent and find my wife.

- How come?

- To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I've ever had in my life!

After a pause, Ed said, "Do you want me to come with you?"

"Hell, no! Why would I want you to do that?" said Ted.

"Because that's my dick you're holding," said Ed.

Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"

- Well, I see thousands of stars.

- And what does that mean to you?

- Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?

- To me, it means someone has stolen our tent.

There were three men. Joe, Rich, and Scott. They were all camping in the woods, and they knew they had to stop for the night. Joe suggested they stop where they were right there, a nice clear, wooded area. Rich agreed, but Scott disagreed, because there was nothing interesting around, only trees. They kept hiking for a little longer, and came across a small clear area, right next to the highway. Both Joe and Rich wanted to stay there because there was no stumps, or moss around, and the sounds of the cars could help to put them asleep. Scott said no, because he found a small ant farm 500 meters away, and was scared the ants might come, and get them. SO they kept hiking, and finally, they came to the end of the woods, and stepped onto the highway. Scott was mystified, and wanted to sleep right smack dab in the middle of the highway. It was interesting, and he wanted to look at all the different liscence plates, as they drove by. Joe and Rich were so upset, because, obviously, that was the LAST place that they wanted to sleep in! But, they were too tired to argue, so they set up their tent in the middle of the highway and went to sleep. They slept soundly through the night, but were awaked a couple of times by the sound of cars beeping, and crashing. The next morning, they awoke early, and noticed a huge pileup of cars right off the highway, in the spot they had earlier chosen. Feeling proud, Scott said: "See, guys? Imagine what would of happened if we slept there last night!"

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.

The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.

The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"

"Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."