Business Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Teacher: Why do you want to work in a bank, Alan?

- Fred: 'Cuz there's money in it, sir.

How many tax advisors does it take to change a light bulb?
→ "In the summer there is a tax deductible convention in Hawaii, dealing exactly with this issue."

A young businessman rented a beautiful office and furnished it with antiques. However, no business was coming in. Sitting there, worrying, he saw a man come into the outer office.

Wanting to look busy, he picked up the phone and pretended he was negotiating a big deal. He spoke loudly about big figures and huge commitments. Finally, he put down the phone and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "I've come to install the phone."

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.

"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."

The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.

"Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys...

all on different limbs,... at different levels,...

some climbing up.

The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

On the first day his son joined the family firm, the founder took him on to the roof of the factory building and said,

'I am going to give you your very first lesson in business. Stand on the edge of the roof.'

Reluctantly, the boy went to stand on the edge of the roof.

'Now,' said his father, 'when I say, "Jump," I want you to jump off the roof.'

'But, Dad,' said the boy, 'there's a huge drop!'

'Do you want to succeed in business?'

'Yes, Dad.'

'And you trust me, don't you?'

'Yes, Dad.'

'So do as I say and jump.'

The boy jumped. He crashed to the ground and lay there, winded and bruised. His father went racing down the stairs and ran up to him.

'That was your first lesson in business, son. Never trust anyone.'

An astronaut in space was asked by a reporter, "How do you feel?"

"How would you feel," the astronout replied, "if you were stuck here, on top of 20,000 parts each one supplied by the lowest bidder?"

Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

If George Washington were alive today, why couldn't he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac?
→ Because a dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.

Why isn't a dime worth as much today as it used to be?
→ Because the dimes (times) have changed.