Business Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Visitor: You're very quiet, Jennifer.

- Jennifer: Well, my mum gave me a dollar not to say anything about your red nose.

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first.

One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking..

"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million.."

"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support.."

"Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details.."

This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man.

"I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"

The man replied "I'm from the phone company.. I came to hook up your phone."

- What does your Dad sell?

- Salt.

- Well, my dad is a salt seller, too.

- Shake.

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST DEALS.'

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST PRICES.'

The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read 'MAIN ENTRANCE'.

What do you have to know to be a real estate salesman?
→ Lots.

A woman was shopping in a fairly nice dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the salesman the price. When he told her she launched into a tirade about prices these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto tires.

After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had enuff and said, "My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and obviously so offensive to you, why do you bother?"

Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate.

"You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl.
Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity."

- Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?

- No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

The real interpretation of corportate titles:

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD

• Leaps tall building in a single bound
• Is more powerful than a locomotive
• Is faster than a speeding bullet
• Walks on water
• Discusses policy with God

PRESIDENT

• Leaps short buildings in a single bound
• Is more powerful than a switch engine
• Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
• Walks on water if the sea is calm
• Talks with God

EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT

• Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
• Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
• Is faster than a speeding BB.
• Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
• Talks with God if special request is approved

VICE PRESIDENT

• Barely clears a Quonset hut
• Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
• Can fire a speeding bullet
• Swims well
• Is occasionally addressed by God

GENERAL MANAGER

• Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
• Is run over by locomotive
• Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
• Dog paddles
• Talks to animals

MANAGER

• Runs into buildings
• Recognizes locomotive two out of three times
• Is not issued ammunition
• Can't stay afloat with a life preserver
• Talks to walls

TRAINEE

• Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter building
• Says "look at the choo-choo"
• Wets him/herself with a water pistol
• Plays in mud puddles
• Mumbles to him/herself

SECRETARY

• Lifts buildings and walks under them
• Kicks locomotives off the tracks
• Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth
• Freezes water with a single glance
• To all of the above...is God!

Martin ended a letter to his dad with this question, 'Is Washington's picture still on the dollar bill?'

His Father wrote back, 'Of course it is. Why do you ask?'

Martin answered, 'Because it's been so long since I've seen one!'