Business Jokes — most viewed jokes

Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
→ Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

What's the definition of an accountant?
→ Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft?
→ When he actually listens to Marketing before saying No

How do you know accountants have no imagination?
→ They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.

A big, burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.

"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400."

"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife.
"May I ask who you are?"

The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm the landlord," he sobbed.

Why did God invent economists?
→ So accountants could have someone to laugh at.

What's an extroverted accountant?
→ One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

• American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
• Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a fine restaurant.
• You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
• You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe.
• Long distance companies no longer call you to switch.
• Your credit card companies raised the rates from 6.9% to 24.9%.
• You see your roommate as a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.
• You receive care packages from Europe.
• Your bologna has no first name.
• You rob Peter...and then rob Paul.
• You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.
• You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.
• You give blood everyday - for the orange juice.
• McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.
• Consumer Credit Counseling services said "No."
• The neighborhood dog stopped sniffing at your pockets

What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
→ Go into town and gang-audit someone.

If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say?
→ "Darling, could you tell me about your work."