Business Jokes — most viewed jokes

An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it. He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin. Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load. On every occasion there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip. On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath. Nothing. He could never find anything amiss.

After a few months of this the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned. A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On an impulse the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't shop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?"

And the bloke said "Tarpaulins."

What is 6 inches long.....
Has a big head....
Woman love it?????
→ A $100 dollar bill!

What's the definition of unlikely?
→ A photo-spread in Playboy titled 'The World's Top Accountants - Nude!'.

How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
→ Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

If FedEx and Ups merged, would they call it Fed UP?

The managing partner in an accounting firm is very annoyed with one of his junior partners and has called him in to chastise him.

"How could you possibly advise the client in the way you did? That was completely unethical. We are always conscious of Ethics in this firm.
You do know what Ethics is don't you?"

The young partner is offended. "Of course I know what Ethics is. It's a county in southern England."

Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?
→ They find bookkeeping too exciting.

There are three beggars begging on Wall Street.

The first beggar wrote "Beggar" on his broken cup. He received $10.00 after one day.

The next day, the second beggar wrote "Beggar.com" on his cup. After one day, he received hundreds of thousands of dollars and an offer to float an IPO on NASDAQ.

The following day, the third beggar wrote "e-Beg" on his cup.

Microsoft, IBM, and HP sent corporate vice-presidents to talk to him about strategic alliances and offered him free hardware consultancy. In addition, it was reported on CNBC that e-Beg uses 95% Oracle technology and that I2 announced the launch of BegTradeMatrix; a b2b industry portal offering supply chain integration in the beggar community.

Well-known lodging chain announced it was creating a line of no-frills hotels. The only way you'll see a chocolate on the pillow now is if the last guest was eating an M&M.

If Atheists don't belive in God......can they get insured for an act of god?