Blonde Jokes — most viewed jokes

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job. I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."

The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, and I have a good job. I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."

The stewardesses doesn't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section.

The head stewardess asks the copilot what he said to get her to move. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."

A Blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The Blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day.. we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The Blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the Blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the Blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the Blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the Blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

How do you kill a dumb blonde?
→ Put a scratch n' sniff sticker at the bottom of her pool.

What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
→ Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.

A man walks into a bar with his pet crocodile, the bartender screams and demands he get the man eating creature out of there!

The man tries to calm the bartender down and says he is very well trained to prove it the man whipped out his cock and put it in the crocodile's mouth, then he hit the crocodile over the head and after a few good smacks he pulls it out and shows the bar tender, "Look, no marks."

The bartender is still unsure so the man asks...

"Would anyone else like to try?"

The bar is quiet and a few minutes later a blonde in the corner stands up and says...

"I will but don't smack me on the head!"

What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?
→ You always hear about them but never see any!

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
→ 30 - 1 to make the batter and 29 to peel the smarties.

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
→ From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
→ "Have another beer."

Three women were being held in a foreign country. They were slated for the firing squad.

The commander yells, "Ready...
Aim..." and the brunette yells "Earthquake!!!"

Immediately the soldiers fall to the ground and in the confusion the brunette escapes.

The commander then tells his soldiers to get up. "Ready...
Aim..." and the redhead yells "Tornado!!!"

Immediately the soldiers fall to the ground and in the confusion the redhead escapes.

The commander then yells to his soldiers to get up. "Ready...
Aim..." and the blonde yells "Fire!!!"