Blonde Jokes — most viewed jokes

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

A Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is angry, She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it."

The blond replies "Shut up, you're next."

A blonde wanted to sell her old car, but nobody wished to buy a car with 250,000 miles on it. So, she tells her brunette girlfriend at the salon about her problem, and the brunette suggests she take the car to a mechanic friend of hers, who will turn the meter back by 200,000 miles. The blonde thinks this is a sound suggestion and does so.

About a month later, the brunette sees her blonde girlfriend in a store and says, "Did you ever sell your car?"

"No," says the blonde. "Why should I? It's only got 50,000 miles on it."

Why are dumb blonde jokes one liners?
→ So men can understand them.

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

• She called me to get my phone number.
• She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
• She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
• She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
• She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
• She tried to drown a fish.
• She thought a quarterback was a refund.
• She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
• She tripped over a cordless phone.
• She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
• She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
• She studied for a blood test.
• She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
• When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
• When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
• When she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
→ They're both empty from the neck up!

The blonde says to her friend, "My boyfriend has the worst dandruff."

Her friend says, "You should give him Head and Shoulders."

The blonde thinks for a minute and replies, "how do you give shoulders?"

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease.

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'"

The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

Three blondes were sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A game warden came up behind them, tapped one on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.

"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses."

"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were magnets tied on the end of each line.

"Well, I know of no law against it," said the warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.

As soon as he was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically.

"What a dumb cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!"

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

She says, "Why, officer?"

"Because your breast is hanging out."

She looks down and says, "OH MY GOODNESS! I left the baby on the bus again!"