Blonde Jokes — most viewed jokes

What did the blonde do when he heard that 90% of accidents occur within five miles of home?
→ He moved ten miles away.

The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family. "We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably.

"I'm sure we'll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her. "If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table."

"Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby."

What did the blonde say when she saw the YMCA sign??
→ LOOK!!! They spelled MACY's wrong!!!!

An office exec was interviewing a blonde for an assistant position, and wanted to find out a little about her personality.

- If you could have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?

- I'd have to say the living one.

A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding.

- Officer: May I see your licence?

- Lady: What does it look like?

- Officer: It's a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.

The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer. The officer opens it up and says 'If you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over.'

A policeman was interviewing three blondes who wanted to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hid it.

- This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?

- That's easy! We'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!

- Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile.

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture at the second blonde.

- This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?

- Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear! said the second blonde, giggling and flipping her hair.

- What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing, because this is a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he showed the picture to the third blonde and said, in a very testy voice, "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?" He quickly added, "And think hard before answering, so you don't say something completely idiotic."

The blonde looked at the picture intently for a moment and said, "Hmmmm... The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman was stunned speechless, because he honestly didn't know whether the suspect wore contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer... Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file, and I'll get back to you on that."

He left the room and went to his office, checked the suspect's file in his computer, and came back beaming. "Wow!" he said, "I can't believe it... It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! But how were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses, because he only has one eye and one ear."

Did you hear about the blonde man that locked his keys in his car?
→ Took him an hour to get his family out w/ a coat hanger.

Airport Security alerted an airline crew to keep an eye a blonde passenger who appeared excessively nervous and shifty-eyed. Soon after takeoff, the blonde man called a stewardess to his seat and said, "I have a live grenade in my pocket. I'll blow up the plane if you do not divert to Cairo."

Perplexed, the stewardess said, "But, sir. This is TWA flight 1219 to Cairo."

"Damn!" replied the blonde passenger, "I got on the wrong plane."

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. Of course the famer is a blonde. :) He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field!"

Why don't Blondes use vibrators anymore?
→ Because they keep chipping their teeth !!!