At Work — most viewed jokes

Seems about a year ago (1998) some airplane manufacturer employees decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747's.

They got it off the plane, out the gate and were having a good time fishing on the Stilliquamish. All of a sudden the Coast Guard Chopper came wop-wop-ing in, homing on the emergency frequency locator beacon that was activated when the boys inflated the raft at the river.

(Note: The boys are no longer with said aircraft company.)

How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.

BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and everyone's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

TOURISTS - People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."

TREEWARE - Printed computer software/hardware documentation.

CLM (Career Limiting Move) - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. (Also known as CEB - Career Ending Behavior)

OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (See CLM)

ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the admini-sphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

DILBERTED - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the engineer in the job-from-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."

SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, poops on everything, and then leaves.

SALMON WEEK - The experience of spending an entire week swimming upstream only to die, and someone else get the benefit.

404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him... he's 404, man."

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking an electronic device just right to get it to work again.

What's the easiest way for a Gorilla hunter to make money?
→ Collect unemployment insurance!

Kowalski, fresh out of accounting school, went to an interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?"

"Twenty-two," Kowalski replied.

After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job.

About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious.

The next day, Kowalski went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.

"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said.

"But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"Excuse me?" the accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"

"I'll start you at eighty thousand."

"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Four. One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.

Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops?
→ So they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus.

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and proudly announced to the first man, "Congratulations, sir. You're the father of twins!"

"What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins Baseball team!"

Later the nurse returned and congratulated the second father on the birth of his triplets.

"Wow! That's incredible! I work for the 3M Corporation."

An hour later, the nurse returned to congratulate the third man on the birth of his quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply, "I don't believe it! I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!"

After this, everyone turned to the fourth guy who had just fainted. The nurse rushed to his side. As he slowly gained consciousness, they could hear him mutter over and over, "I should never have taken that job at 7-Eleven. I should never have taken that job at 7-Eleven. I should never have taken that job...."

How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Twelve. One to change the bulb, and eleven to do the paperwork.