At Work — most viewed jokes

One agent stops by another agent's table to tell him the big news: "Elvis just died!"

The second agent says nothing, then starts nodding. "Good career move."

- Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?

- I ought to be able to. I've had ten different jobs in four months.

Some quick thinking to get out of the "caught napping jam!"...

• They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.
• Whew! I must have left the top off the whiteout again!
• I wasn't sleeping! I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
• This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!
• I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?
• Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem!
• I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without using my hands.
• The mail courier flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot!

An inexperienced real estate salesman asked his boss if he could refund the deposit to an angry customer who had discovered that the lot he had bought was under water.

"What kind of salesman are you?" the boss scolded. "Get out there and sell him a boat."

How many movie directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done everyone thinks that his last lightbulb was much better.

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.

He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is".

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded with the following account:

Chalk: $1
Knowing where to put it: $49,999

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

What did the Production Manager give his kids for Christmas?
→ Nothing. But he promised he'd make it up to them on the next one.

Whats the difference between your wife and your job?
→ After 10 years, the job still sucks.

What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
→ One that never misses a period.

How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.