Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
→ You take me for grunted.

How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
→ Ten ants!

What do you call a smart ant?
→ Elegant!

Why didn't the mouse cross the road?
→ It's cord wasn't long enough!

Little Johnny is walking with his father in the park and they see two dogs locked in a sexual embrace. Little Johnny not understanding what the dogs are doing asks his father:

- Daddy, what are those two dogs doing?

To which the father replies:

- They are making a puppy!

Later that night Johnny wakes up and walks down the hall to his parents bedroom and catches his mother and father making love. Johnny asks his father:

- Daddy what are you and mommy doing?

To which the father replies:

- Johnny we are making you a little sister.

Johnny thinks for a few moments and responds:

- Well, daddy could you roll her over? I'd rather have a puppy!

There where two snakes talking.

The 1st one said:

- Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?

Then the second Snake says:

- Why do you ask?

The 1st one replies:

- I just bit my lip!

What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl?
→ A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot!

What is the feeling that you've smelled a certain skunk before?
→ Deja phew!

What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
→ Antteneye!

- What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas' sleigh and is made of cement?

- I don't know.

- A reindeer!

- What about the cement?

- I just threw that in to make it hard.