Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

Where did the Gorilla play baseball?
→ In the bush leagues, of course!

What do you call a Sleeping Bull?
→ A Bull-Dozer!

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

- Waiter, can you get rid of this fly in my starter!

- I can't do that sir, he's not had his main course yet!

What steps should you take if you see a dangerous animal on your travels?
→ Very large ones.

There where two snakes talking.

The 1st one said:

- Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?

Then the second Snake says:

- Why do you ask?

The 1st one replies:

- I just bit my lip!

An eminent teacher and thinker once expressed his philosophy of life:

- When it all boils done to the essence of truth - the philosopher said, one must live by a dog's rule of life:

- If you can't eat it or fuck it...

PISS ON IT!

- What kind of sharks never eat women?

- Man-eating sharks.

What command does the aardvark give most often when he sails?
→ Snout about!

- How come this fly is swimming in my soup?

- I gave you too much. It should be wading.