Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

- How do you make a pig float?

- Just give him an inner tube.

- Are there any bats in this cave?

- There were, but don't worry, the snakes ate all of them.

How do sheep keep warm in winter?
→ Central bleating!

What's the difference between a white owl and a black owl?
→ A white owl goes WHO WHO WHO. A black owl goes WHODAT WHODAT WHODAT

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks:

- Mom why have I got these huge three toed feet?

The mother replies:

- Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand.

- OK - said the son.

A few minutes later the son asks:

- Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?

- They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert.

- Thanks Mom - replies the son.

After a short while, the son returns and asks:

- Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??

The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies:

- They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods.

- That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water. But Mom

- Yes son?

- Why the heck are we in the San Diego Zoo?

These two Polish guys rent a boat and go fishing in a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to the other:

- We'll have to come back here tomorrow!

The other asks:

- But how will we remember where this spot is?

The first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat, and says:

- We'll just look for this X tomorrow.

The other guy says:

- You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?

Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear. One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit.

- Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I've got something to show you!

- Not now! I'm eating.

- Oh come on! It's really important.

- No way.

- Please. It's urgent.

So the bear decided to go all the way over the wide river. It took him all day and all night to get over to the other side. He nearly drowned. And when he finally got there he was groaning and panting, and wheezing for air.

- Well, rabbit, what did you want to tell me?

- Hey, Teddy, look how many berries are on the other side of the river.

What did one flea say to the other flea?
→ Shall we walk or take a dog?

Marilyn had a parrot for a pet, but the parrot would embarrass her whenever she came into the apartment with a man. He would shout all kinds of obscenities, always leading off with:

- Somebody's gonna get it tonight!

In desperation, Marilyn went to her local pet shop and explained her parrot problem to the pet shop proprietor.

"What you need," he said, "is a female parrot too. I don't have one on hand, but I'll order one. Meanwhile, you could borrow this female owl until the female parrot arrives."

Marilyn took the owl home and put it near her parrot. It was immediately obvious that the parrot didn't care for the owl. He glared at it. That night, Marilyn wasn't her usual nervous self as she opened the door to bring her gentlemen friend in for a nightcap. Then suddenly she heard the parrot screech and she knew that things hadn't changed.

- Somebody's gonna get it tonight! Somebody's gonna get it tonight! - the parrot said.

The owl said:

- Who? Who?

And the parrot said:

- Not you, you big-eyed Son of a Bitch.

Which song title makes an Ape heartsick?
→ Gorilla My Dreams!