Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Waiter, waiter! There's a wasp in my dessert.

- So that's where they go to in the winter.

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds.

His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him:

- You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.

The frog is thrilled:

- This is great!

- Will I meet her at a party? - he croaks.

- No, - says the psychic - in biology class.

Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
→ Because then the children have to play inside.

- Waiter, there is a bee in my alphabet soup!

- Yes sir, and I'm sure there is an A, C and all the other letters too!

- Waiter, waiter! There's a mosquito in my soup.

- Don't worry sir, mosquitoes have very small appetites!

So this grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says:

- Hey! Your a grasshopper! We have a drink named after you!

The grasshopper says:

- Oh yeah? You have a drink named Leonard?!

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp:

- Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks:

- Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?

The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice:

- I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit.

here were these 3 Riverside City Firemen who always went bird hunting together and they always rented a hunting dog name Rex from a local farmer. Rex was a great dog and would always hold point and find any birds they shoot. One year they did't go hunting and the farmer rented Rex out to some Corona City Firemen who used him that season. The next year the Riverside guys went to rent Rex from the farmer for hunting but the farmer had bad news for them. He told them Rex was no longer any good for hunting and didn't have a replacement for him and to tell the Corona firemen they were not welcome there any more and that if he saw them he would probably shoot them for what they did to Rex. The R.F.D. guys asked the farmer what the Corona boys did that could be so bad.
Well the farmer said last year when they rented Rex it all started off fine until one of the Corona guys decided to rename him. Well whats wrong with that they asked. The farmer said they renamed him CHIEF and now all he does is sit on his ass and bark all the time.

Angela went up to her mom and ask if she could take missy for a walk. Her mom said no, that missy was in heat.

- What is heat? - Mom said go ask your Dad, he is outside working on car.

Angela goes outside and ask her Dad if she can take missy for a walk, her Mom had said no, that missy was in heat.

- What is heat Dad?

Go get the leash and bring her here. She goes and get missy and brings her back on a leash. Her Dad takes a grease rag and soaks it in Gasoline and swips her bottom with it.

Now you can take her around the block one time. Angela goes down the street and comes back shorty with the leash and no missy. Dad says:

- where is missy?

Angela said:

- missy ran out of gas and another dog pushed her down the street.

What is a bee's favourite classical music composer ?
→ Bee-thoven !